Herb Has Fallen in Love with Me!

Hi cats.  How are you?  I hope all is well with you and that your humans are under your control.

I haven’t posted because, well . . . how can I say this?  OK, I’ll just meow it out:  I think that Herb has fallen in love with me!

Now, in case you are new to this blog, Herb is the best-looking male cat in our neighborhood.  He has beautiful ebony fur like mine, golden eyes, and a great personality.  In earlier posts, I said that I laughed when Herb flirted with me, and I did. That’s because he flirted with every girl-cat in our neighborhood.  However, he has changed, and it seems like he only has eyes for me.

I first noticed that Herb was acting differently when I noticed that he was being very friendly with me.  Before I knew it, he was constantly at my window, and was talking to me a lot. Even better, he kept telling me how pretty I looked. There were nights that we talked until the sun came up.  And, I noticed wasn’t flirting with any of the girl-cats in our neighborhood any more.

However, after Herb tried to kiss me through the window last night, I knew that things had changed.  So, I’m pretty sure that he’s fallen in love with me.  I’m glad that he finally sees that I am the prettiest girl-cat around. Here is a picture of me in my beautiful new collar to show you how pretty I am:

As you can see, I am looking good.  That’s why I have Herb’s undivided attention.  And, after all that’s happened, I think that he may even want to marry me or something.  We cats usually don’t do that, but there’s always a first time for everything.  I haven’t seen Herb for the last couple of days, though.  I wonder if he’s trying to get the courage to pop the question. Oh!  Herb is at my window again. And, he just said, “Uh, Grace . . . I need to talk to you.” I’ve never seen him this shy. I wonder if he’s going to propose to me? I’ve got to go and find out, cats.  I will tell you about everything that happens in my next post!

Blinds Are Made for Breaking!

Hello, everyone.  I just want to show you a recent altercation between me and my Mom in three pictures.  First here is a picture of our kitchen blinds after I’d spent weeks making them the way I like them:

 

 

 

 

 

 

As you can see, they were perfect.  However, Mom has this crazy idea called “privacy”, so she was not happy about what I did to the blinds.  Thankfully, she thinks she broke them like this second picture shows before she could blame me for the shape that the blinds were in:

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well, at least she thinks she broke them, and I am not about to tell her any differently.  So, she paid our landlord to install a new pair of blinds.  This third picture shows how she likes the blinds:

 

 

 

 

 

 

I know, this is boring.  I mean, how does she expect me to protect our home when I can’t see outside?  And, doesn’t she care that I can’t see what my friends are doing?  This is unfair.  So, I will re-adjust these blinds soon.  I’ve got to go, though.  She is walking toward the computer, and I don’t want her to know what I’ve been up to.  Type to you later, cats!

The Stray: Part Two

I’m back, cats.  Angelina just came over to say, “Hi.”  However, trying to guard our home from Mom’s potential suitors, and other cats who want to come to live with us, has kept me busy.

OK, back to the story of the Stray.  I had to put up with my Mom worrying about that cat until she left to go out with some friends.  And, when the Stray saw that my Mom was gone, it stopped talking to me.  But then, it did something crazy—it headed over to our neighbor with the big dog’s house!  So, I yelled, “Don’t go over there!  You’ll get killed.  That dog is mean!”

The Stray gave me a dirty look.  Then it said, “I can go wherever I want to.  Maybe those people will take me in.  I need a home, and you’ve made very clear that you don’t want to share your home with me!”

I felt about two inches tall when the Stray said that to me.  And I felt even worse when my friends across the street yowled, “Grace, we can’t believe that you are so selfish.  If that kitten gets killed, it’ll be your fault!”  So, I told the Stray, “Look, if you stay by my house, I’ll see what I can do.  Now, you are not moving in here.  But, maybe my Mom can put you in a cage outside of the apartment or something.”

The Stray ignored me, and continued to walk toward our neighbor’s home, as their scary dog barked at it.  It even told the dog, “I don’t care how mean you are. I’ve got claws, and I know how to use them.  So, get ready for a new housemate!”  The dog looked ready to kill the kitten after it said that.  So, my friends and I distracted it by yowling at it.  It got so busy trying to attack us that it forgot about the kitten.  And, that manipulative cat got one of our neighbor’s children to feel sorry for it.  So, everyone in that house tried to help the Stray while protecting it from their dog.  I figured that my job was done, and went to sleep.

I woke up when Mom came home.  She greeted me, and then grabbed a baggie and stuffed it with my food.  Then, I watched her knock on our neighbor’s door and give them my food so that the “poor kitten wouldn’t starve.”  I didn’t like her giving my food away.  However, I was happy that the Stray was no longer trying to get into my home.  So, I let her get away with that.  After that, both of us went to sleep.

The next day, both Mom and I looked out of the window.  We both got scared when we saw that the Stray was gone.  Mom tried to find out what happened.  She discovered that a couple in a car had asked if the kitten had a home.  Then, they said they’d take it to Animal Control.  Now, I didn’t like the Stray, but I don’t wish Animal Control on any cat.  So, I prayed, OK, God.  You win.  If that cat comes back, it can stay with us—but could you please let it stay outside of our apartment in a cage?  I heard a heavenly sigh, so I added, Oh, all right, God.  It can stay here! I think I heard Him say, Good girl.  I was happy when He said that, although I was still not thrilled about the idea of sharing my home.

However, Mom and I never saw the Stray again.  I have a feeling that it’s OK, though.  That cat could make the Animal Control people take it home.  And, Mom found a dead bird right by the entrance of our apartment last week.  I’m pretty sure that it was a thank-you present from the Stray to Mom for feeding it.  So, I’m happy that the Stray is OK, and I’m even happier that I don’t have to share my home with it.  Type to you later, cats!

The Stray: Part One

The story of the cat I’ll call “The Stray” began about three weeks ago.  As I was doing my routine patrols of the windows, I heard a loud, high-pitched meow.  So, I ran to the window to investigate the situation.  I saw a kitten that I’d never seen before.  As soon as it saw me, it said, “Hey!  I need a home, and yours looks pretty good to me!  So, I am going to meow until your Mom sees me.  And then, I’ll get her to feel sorry for me.  After that, I’ll move in and take over your house!”

“Oh no you won’t,” I hissed back.  Then, I jumped at the window while yowling and growling at that cat.  I wanted to make sure that it knew that there was no way that that was going to happen. I’d almost scared it away when Mom woke up and said, “Grace, be quiet!  I am trying to sleep here.”  So, after I let out a few more blood-curdling yowls, I curled up with her and went to sleep.  I figured that the Stray would run away after I’d been so scary.

Unfortunately, I was wrong.  The Stray waited until it saw my Mom get up.  Then it meowed as loudly as it could.  At first, Mom was angry at it too.  So, she told me, “Grace, that cat is driving me crazy.  I’ll yell at it!”  I wanted to cheer when she said that.  However, after she opened the window, and saw that the Stray was a little kitten, she said, “Oh, you poor thing.  You’re just a baby.  You must be starving!”  Then, that woman had the nerve to look at me and say, “Grace, I can’t believe that you are threatened by a tiny kitten. It can’t do anything to hurt you, and it is probably scared to death.  Leave the poor thing alone!”

I wanted to scream when she said that.  However, I knew that wouldn’t help.  So, I pretended to ignore the Stray while my Mom was looking.  As soon as she wasn’t though, I hissed, “Stay away from my house, or you’ll get a face full of claws!”

“Oh no I won’t,” the Stray hissed back.  “Your Mom will take me in, and you will have to love me or get into big trouble!”

At that point, I pretended to ignore the Stray, until I could figure out a plan to get rid of it.  Before I could do that, though, Mom decided to do the laundry. So, I had to watch as the Stray meowed piteously at her as she walked to the laundry room. Next, I had to listen to my Mom talking nicely to the Stray.  I was about to jump through the window when she said, “I wish I could take you in, but I can’t.  You probably need vet care, and I can’t afford it.  I’m sorry!” as she walked back into our home.

I was very happy when my Mom said that.  I even thanked God that the Stray wasn’t going to get a home with us.  But then, that woman looked at me and said, “Grace, the least I can do is feed the poor thing. You have enough food for us to share it with that poor little kitten.”

I wanted to scream, “That ‘poor little kitten’ is a master manipulator!”  I knew that wouldn’t change her mind, though.  So, I had to watch her give the Stray my food.  Even worse, that manipulative kitten followed my Mom to our apartment door after she fed it.  It meowed sadly while it did that.  I was horrified, because I knew that I was one door-opening away from having to share my home! So, I prayed, God, help!  That cat is about to take over.  Please make it go away!

Things got quiet for a moment after I prayed.  Then, I heard Mom say words that were music to my ears, “Little one, I wish you could move in with us.  But, I can’t afford another cat right now.  I will pray for you, though!”  After that, my Mom walked the Stray out of the entrance door and closed the door on it.  After she did that, she walked into our apartment and said, “I feel like the worst person in the world for closing the door on that kitten.  Grace, let’s pray that someone takes it in.”

OK, as long as that someone isn’t you, I thought.

“I’ll get your Mom to take me in yet,” the Stray yowled. “I told you I’d get her to feel sorry for me!”

I ignored it.  I figured that this problem was over.  I was wrong.  That woman obsessed over that cat and then—

Oh!  Angelina’s at the window.  Something must be going on in our neighborhood!  I’ll tell you the rest of the story in my next post.  Bye for now, cats!

Mom’s on the Mend

Hi cats.  I’m happy to report that Mom’s on the mend.  I am glad, because when she is out visiting with her friends, I can have my friends over!  And, in spite of my last post, I was worried about her.  I mean, she was just lying around the house doing nothing, and that’s not like her.   I helped her by giving her lots of love and attention.  I even slept on the pillow with her like this:

 

 

 

 

 

 

I think that’s what made her feel better.

So, now that I’ve cured my Mom—

Excuse Me?

OOPS, now that God is curing my Mom, I can tell you about all of the stuff that happened before she had her surgery done.  The first thing that I’m going to post about is how she almost rescued a kitten that I’ll call The Stray. In the meantime, if you wish, please pray that He continues to heal her.  I need my privacy!

Mom Just Had Surgery and She’s Driving Me Crazy!

Hi cats.  How are you?  I hope that all is well with you.

I wanted to let you know that Mom just had surgery.  Well, OK, not surgery but they had to knock her out to test her for something.  So, I am stuck with her for twenty four hours because she can’t drive since they gave her something called “anesthesia”.  Cats, she is driving me crazy!  Here are just a few of the things that she has said to me and what I thought as she said them:

“Gray-cie.  Come here.  I need a snuggie!”

I don’t think so.  You are in an altered state of consciousness so you may “snuggie” me to death.

“I don’t care what that stupid hospital said.  I need to get out of this house or I will go crazy!”

Mom, you’re already there.

“THEY WANT FOUR HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS FOR THAT MEDICATION?  HAVE THEY LOST THEIR MINDS?”

No, but you have!

“Gracie, don’t worry.  If something happens to me, I have at least two friends who will take care of you.”

Oh no. No!  I am not going to live with strangers.  If something happens to you, I will continue to live in this apartment where it’s safe. And, if any of your friends try “rescuing” me, they will get a face full of claws.

Well, you get the idea cats.  My Mom is not very pleasant to be around right now.  So, I am going to hide in the closet until she’s back to normal.  Type to you later cats!

I Won’t Post about Cats in Active Service Anymore!

Hi cats.  I’m sorry I took so long to post.  Between Mom hogging the computer, cleaning, and almost taking in a stray, I didn’t have a lot of time to write. I was too busy trying to protect myself from the horrible smells of the cleaning stuff she uses, and making sure that I did not end up with a little brother or sister! I will tell you more about these events in my next posts.

Also, I am never going to post about a cat that is in active service again.  After I did my last post, three cats came to my window.  They were tough cats who made it very clear to me that I could not describe them in this post. They told me that Yowler, the cat whose yowls scare the bad people, had to be taken off duty because of my post about him!  I told them I’d delete it, but they said that it was too late. The enemy had read it, and Yowler had to be snuck out of the country he was in!

So, I think I’m going to stick with posting about my Mom and I, and my secret friends.  I don’t want to jeopardize cational security!  And, if you are reading this, Yowler, I am sorry—

“Yooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwlllllllllllll!”

Errr . . . I guess that means he doesn’t accept my apology.  Type to you later, cats!

More Cat Veterans

The Persian Cats:  In about 525 B.C. cats actually caused humans to lose a battle.  What happened was that the human King of Persia, Cambyses II, knew that the Egyptians worshipped cats.  So, he let the Persian cats run loose on the battlefield.  Then, the Egyptians, who thought we were “gods” were afraid that they’d hurt us.  So, they gave up and ran away, which caused them to lose this battle.   This proves that superstition can kill you.  Also, it is another example of how easily we cats can manipulate humans.

Shania:  Shania was a beautiful brown and white tabby cat with green eyes like mine.  One of her best talents was making boy cats fall in love with her.  So, in World War One, Shania helped the freedom fighters from many nations by making Oscar the Spy Cat, who was one of best cat spies working for Germany, fall in love with her.  That made him forget to carry information to his humans since he could think of nothing but Shania.  Then, Shania ended his spying days forever by pretending she was in heat while jumping over a land mine.  Oscar followed her, fell on the land mine, and was blown up.  This changed the course of the war, and the freedom fighters won—with the help of another cat veteran.

The Detector Cats:  These cats were and are active in service.  They have the ability to know when their human/s’ enemies are coming to fight them.  When they sense trouble coming, they warn their humans who then take appropriate actions, such as hiding in a bomb shelter.  Please keep these cats in your prayers.  Their work is very dangerous!

These are the cat veterans that I know about.  If you know about a cat veteran, please post.  However, if they are currently fighting, please don’t post their real name.  That could get them killed.  If you’d like to learn more about how we cats have served in warfare, here is a link to an article about that:

http://suite101.com/article/the-use-of-cats-in-warfare-a214121

After you read this, remember to pray for the cats serving the free world.  Also, you may wish to pray that the CIA never ties bombs to cats again.  Oh, and thank you, Ms. Copley for letting me link to your article.  May God Bless you!

Grace da Centipede Warrior Cat

A short note from the Mommacat:  The above link does not imply that Jennifer Copley, or anyone at suite101.com endorses, sponsors or is in any way affiliated with graciesblog.com.   Also, we cannot guarantee the safety of a third-party website.  We have included this link only as a convenience to you.  Hmmm . . . I wonder if anyone reads this fine print. I guess I’ll never know . . .

Cat Veterans

OK, cats.  Here are a few of the cat veterans that I promised to tell you about:

Blackie (also known as “Boom!”):  Blackie was a male, black, long-haired cat with a patch of white on his chest. He helped our country, the U.S.A., win the Revolutionary War.  He did that by crossing enemy lines and pouncing on the soldiers who were about to shoot at us. This made them miss their targets.  And, Blackie used his unique growl to scare the living daylights out of the enemy soldiers.  Sadly, Blackie did not get to live a long life.  One day, his curiosity got the best of him, so he put a lit match on a keg of gunpowder to see what would happen.  I think all of you can guess what happened next.  The gunpowder exploded, and so did Blackie.  That is why he is also known as “Boom!”

Smoke:  Smoke was a grey, short-haired cat that helped the Allies in World War Two. Because of his color, and unique way of blending into crowds, Smoke was a terrific secret agent.  He snuck across enemy lines and carried secret papers, such as a breakdown of the Enigma code, to soldiers that didn’t know that he existed.  That led to prominent human mathematicians breaking that code, using Smoke’s information.  Sadly, the humans got the credit for Smoke’s work.  However, the cats of that time knew the truth, and he was knighted by the Queen of Cats in 1945. Smoke lived to be twenty years old and died of natural causes.

Alexia (Lexie):  Lexie was a beautiful, white, blue-eyed Persian cat that helped the Coalition fight the Gulf War.  Lexie befriended the enemy, and pretended to be nice to them. They felt safe with her since she was a Persian cat.  This led them to relax and pet her, which is a truly bad idea in wartime, since many of them were killed while they were doing that.  Lexie lived to be fifteen years old, and her kittens are still protecting our national interests in Iraq.

Yowler:  Yowler is a yellow male cat who has a yowl that could scare the bark off of a tree.  That’s all I can tell you, since he is still alive.  Yowler helps to scare mean humans out of their hiding places by letting out his very scary yowl.  This makes them think they are under attack—so they run right out of their hiding places and into the hands of the good humans who are trying to catch them.  Keep him in your prayers, cats, because his work is very dangerous!

I may tell you about more cat veterans later.  Right now, I just saw a centipede speed by, and I’m hungry.  So, I will type to you later, cats.

I Have Friends Again!

Hi cats. I know that I promised to tell you about the cat veterans, but first I wanted to let you know that I have friends again! After I typed my last post, I went to the window. I didn’t see my friends right away because all of them are hiding in shady spots because it is very hot in my neighborhood. I was pretty sure that they were in earshot though. So, I yelled, “Hey! Everybody! I am sorry that I yelled at you and said I never wanted to speak to you again. That was wrong.”

I waited for them to respond. It was a long wait. I was about to walk away from the window and give up when Angelina came out. To my surprise, she was crying. Then she said, “Grace, it is so good to have you back. All of us were scared that we lost you to that catnip forever!” I started crying too and replied, “Thanks to God, Ebony and her friends, I’m back. And, I don’t plan on ever using that stuff again!

After I said that, everyone came out and told me they were glad that I was back to normal. I couldn’t believe how nice they were to me after I’d been so mean to them. All of us had a nice talk, but they had to go back into the shade. When it’s 104 degrees out, cats have to keep themselves cool!

So, I jumped out of the window and went to lie down in the coolest part of our apartment. There, I thanked God that I had my friends back. And, I made a vow that with His help that I will stay away from catnip—forever. And, I really believe that I can do that, one day at time.

I have to go because I am tired. I promise that I will tell you about a few of the cat veterans that helped our country (the U.S.A.) and many other countries to be free in my next post. Until then, again, please feel free to e-mail me if you have a catnip problem. It will help me to help you.