I Found Out that I Do Have a Catnip Problem!

Hi cats. I am sorry I took so long to type to you. After my last post, I was so tired that I slept for almost two days. Then, I awoke to a new voice saying, “Psssssssst. Grace! Do you want to talk?” Now, I usually am crabby in the morning and don’t want to talk to anyone but my Mom. However, I was curious about who the new cat was. So, I went to the window. The cat that was sitting there was a beautiful black long-haired female cat with golden eyes. Before I could speak, she looked at me and said, “Hi, Grace. My name is Ebony. I heard from your friends that you’ve been going crazy for catnip. Is that true?”

I wanted to scream, “NO!” and tell her to go away. But, there was something special about her that wouldn’t let me do that. She had what I can only call a glow about her. So, I mumbled, “Well, maybe.” Then she smiled at me and told me, “I used to love catnip too, Grace. Would you like to hear my story?”

“OK,” I replied. I figured that hearing her story would take my mind off of how bad I was feeling. I didn’t know that her story would change my life.

Ebony told me how she loved catnip like I did. She said that she had a lot of fun with catnip—at first. But then, she shocked me when she told me that she got to the point where she had to have it. Her catnip craving made her do all kinds of crazy things like claw her humans when they wouldn’t give her catnip, and tear up everything in their house. Her humans got so mad at her that they made her live out in a cold garage. After she’d stayed there for three days, Ebony prayed, “God, please help me!”

Ebony smiled when she told me what happened next. She said that three cats came over and told her about how they used to have a catnip problem, and what they did about it. After hearing their stories, Ebony knew that she had a problem too. So, she decided that she didn’t want to ever use catnip again. And so far, with the help of God, and her new friends, she has been able to stay away from it. Best of all, after her humans saw that she was behaving, they let her move back into the house with them.

After she finished her story, Ebony looked at me straight in the eyes and said, “Grace, do you think that you have a problem with catnip?”

I wanted to say, “No.” But, for some reason, I couldn’t lie to her. So, I began to cry and said “Yes, I do. Now what do I do about it?

I really can’t tell all of you everything that Ebony told me after that. I can say that with the help of God, Ebony, and some of her friends, I am going to stay away from catnip—one day at a time. And, I have to do some things that I really don’t want to do—like apologize to Angelina and all of the cats that I yelled at. That won’t be easy. But, I know I was wrong, so I’m going to do that. I am going for now, but I will tell you if I have any friends left in my next post. Until then, if you think that you have a problem with catnip; please e-mail me by using the form on the “Contact Us” page. I may be able to help you. Thanks!

It’s Day Four without Catnip and I Am Not Happy!

Hello cats.  Today is Day Four without catnip, and I am not happy about that!  I would like to call the ASPCA, but I don’t have the energy to do that.  That’s because I have spent all of my waking hours looking for that toy with the catnip in it.  I haven’t found it, though.

And, my friends in the neighborhood are not helping me one bit!  Yesterday, I yowled out of the window, “Hey!  Do any of you have any catnip?  I’ll trade you my bird toy for it.”  All of them looked at me and shook their heads.  Then, Angelina had the nerve to say, “Grace, none of us are going to give you catnip.  We think you have a problem.”  When she said that, I flew at the window and tried to jump her.  Sadly, I couldn’t go through the glass, so I never got her. In fact, I almost knocked myself out.  However, I did manage to stalk away after I told her and all of those miserable cats that I will never speak to them again!

Right now, I am exhausted, so I am going to try to get some sleep.  I’m hoping that after I wake up, I’ll be able to track down that toy.  I’ll let you know what happens in my next post.  If you wish, please pray that I find it.  Thanks!

Mom Threw Out My Catnip!

Hi cats.  As you can see, I am back.  We got our computer back on Thursday, but I have been too upset to post.  That’s because Mom threw out my catnip!   This whole thing started when Mom wondered why I was enjoying one of my toys so much.  She took a look at it and discovered this:

 

 

 

 

 

 

When that woman saw this, she said, “Grace, it breaks my heart to take something away from you that you love.  I have to, though.  I don’t care what the Internet says.  I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to ingest a mind and mood altering drug.  You could get addicted to that catnip!”

No, I can’t.  Now give me that toy back—now!” I screamed at her.

Sadly, all she heard was, “Meow.”  So, she hid the toy from me.  However, I had another toy that she didn’t know about.  It was a little white mouse that was full of catnip.  I’d torn it open, but she didn’t know that I had done that.  So, I still had catnip.  And, I made sure I hid it from her.  However, one day, after I’d well . . . enjoyed the catnip . . . I made the mistake of leaving it in my food dish.  Mom said, “Oh, that’s so cute.  I guess you love that mouse, don’t you?”

I thought, Yes, I do.  Now leave it alone!

Sadly, she didn’t do that.  Instead, she took it out of my food dish and saw that I’d torn it open to get at the catnip inside.  I think you cats can guess what happened next.  She threw it out!

Cats, I cannot believe she did this.  I am ready to call the ASPCA and report her for throwing away toys that it took me weeks to claw open.  This is cruelty to animals!   Before I do that, though, I am going to go under the bed and get the toy that she forgot about that is full of catnip.  It may be hard, but I will find a way to get it open.  Then, I’ll have catnip again.  Now, I’m not doing this because I’m a catnip addict.  I’m going for that toy because . . . well because I really want to play with it.  And, I know that I’ll love the catnip really have fun with it.  But that doesn’t make me a catnip addict—does it?

Yowwl! We Are Having Computer Problems—Again!

Hello cats.  I can only type for a few minutes because I am using a connection that Mom’s neighbor was nice enough to supply.  I wanted to let you know that our computer is back in the shop.  Mom is not happy about this, and neither am I.  I am now stuck with a Mom who, again, is going through C.W.S (Computer Withdrawal Syndrome).

All I can say is pray for me cats!  I am trying to help my Mom get through this.  However, she is driving me crazy!  She needs all kinds of attention, and constantly wants to play with me, and—

“Gray-cee!  Come here and let’s play with the bird-ee.  Isn’t it great that we have all of this time to bond now that I don’t have the computer?

Oh no!  The nightmare begins . . .

Gotta go cats!  I will type to you soon—I hope!

It Didn’t Work!

Hello everyone.  I wish I could tell you that my plan to get even with my Mom worked.  Sadly, it didn’t and I am not happy about that:

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here’s what happened: Mom came home about an hour after I wrote my last post.  By then, I’d made sure that her slippers were right where she always steps into them.  I greeted her at the door as I normally do so that she wouldn’t know what I was up to.  I even let her rub my belly.  Then, the moment I was waiting for happened.  She walked toward her slippers.  I jumped on top of the speaker so that I could see the look on her face when she stepped into them.   I could hardly wait to hear the squish, and hear her scream!

Sadly, I didn’t hear either of these things because Mom looked at her slippers before she stepped into them.  So, the only scream I heard was when she yelled, “Grace!  Why did you throw up all over my slippers?  This is disgusting!”  Then, she cleaned up the mess while glaring at me.  After she was done she asked me if I had thrown up on her slippers to get even with her for vacuuming.  Well, there was no way I’d admit to that.  So, I gave her my best innocent look and pretended to be very interested in what was going on outside.  She seemed to fall for that, because she stopped glaring at me.

I am scared by what happened, though.  It was if my Mom could read my mind.  I don’t want that to happen or I won’t get away with anything around here.  Cats, I need your help.  Have your human/s ever succeeded in reading your mind?  If so, please post and tell me what you did about that. You will help me to continue to get away with murder control my Mom.  Thanks!

I’m Getting Even with my Mom!

Hi cats.  How are you?  I hope that things are going better for you than they are for me!

Cats, would you believe that my Mom had the nerve to get out the evil vacuum cleaner?  Here is a picture of it in camouflage:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As you can see, it is big and it is scary.  That didn’t stop my Mom from using it, though.  She had that thing running for over a half hour.  And, that woman laughed when I hid under the bed from that murderous machine and said, “Oh come on, Grace.   You are being overdramatic.   The vacuum can’t hurt you as long as I’m running it.” I got mad when she said that.  What made me furious, though, was when she actually ran the vacuum cleaner under the bed where I was hiding!

Well, I’m not letting her get away with that, cats.  So, I just threw up in those things she calls house slippers.  I can hardly wait to see the expression on her face when she gets home and steps into them.  That will show her not to laugh at me.  And, hopefully it will cure her of using that vacuum—forever.  I’ll let you know what happens in my next post!

Please Pray for My Mom!

Hi cats.  How are you?  Hope all is well with you!

I thought that everything was OK when my friends finally figured out that Sheba was a liar.  Well, I was wrong.  Last Sunday, my Mom woke up, looked at me and said, “Grace, the room is spinning!”  I thought that she was joking, but I gave her a snuggie anyway.  She wasn’t.  Mom had a real dizzy spell that she used a fancy word for—vertigo. So, I am really worried about her:

 

 

 

 

I wish I could say that she rushed to the doctor.  Sadly, I can’t.  I think my Mom hates going to the doctor as much as I hate going to the vet.  So, she went back to sleep, and waited until the next day to see a doctor at a clinic. Since it was the holiday that humans call, “Memorial Day”, there was almost no one at the clinic that Mom went to.  However, after doing almost nothing, the doctor told Mom that she probably was OK, and that “there is no need for any blood work or other tests to be done.”  Mom was happy to hear that, but I think that doctor was crazy.   I mean, even the vet probably would have run tests on me if I’d gotten dizzy.

So far, Mom is OK.  She worked last week, and even laid out in the sun today.  Still, I think that she needs to be looked over by her doctor.  I mean, if she forces me to go to the vet even when there’s nothing wrong with me, she should have to do the same thing!  And, her telling me that she’s already found a home for me if she dies is not doing anything for my peace of mind.

So, I’m asking for your help cats.  Please pray for my Mom!  And, if you can think of any way for me to persuade her to go to the doctor, please post your ideas.  Thanks!

Sheba Got Caught!

Hello cats.  I am happy to tell you that as of today, everyone knows that Sheba is a liar.  Here is what happened:

This morning, I was doing what had become my routine—acting crazy to scare away Mom’s stalker while trying to keep an eye on Sheba.  Today, though, Sheba did something different.  Instead of trying to hide her actions, she had the nerve to come up to my window and say, “So, I guess losing your friends has made you flip out, huh Grace?  Now, I can do whatever I want to the kittens and you can’t stop me.  No one believes anything that you say!”

I was about to throw myself at the window and try to claw her eyes out when, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a cat I hadn’t seen for a while.  It was Simone the Stealth Cat!  And, I could tell by the look on her face that she’d heard everything that Sheba had just said and was about get her.  So, while Simone was sneaking up behind Sheba, I distracted her by saying, “Sheba, I am busy trying to protect my Mom.  What did you just say?”

Sheba looked at me like I was crazy and started speaking again, “Grace, I said you are crazy and that no one believes you so I can do whatever I wa—OW!  Who just scruffed me?”

“I did,” Simone growled. Then she gave Sheba a look that scared me.  After that, she said, “It’s time for you to take a little trip, Miss Sheba!” and flipped her into the dumpster!

After she’d taken care of Sheba, Simone let out the strangest-sounding, “Meow” that I’ve ever heard.  It was one of those “meows” that humans can’t hear, but that we cats can.  As soon as she did that, all of my friends ran to my window. “What’s going on, Simone?” they meowed as one.

“Sheba has been terrifying the kittens.  And, she has been lying to all of you about it! Grace was telling the truth, even though none of you believed her,” Simone replied.

After Simone said that there was a long silence.  Then, all of my friends looked at me.  To my surprise, they had tears in their eyes.  Then, Angelina ran to my window and cried, “Grace, I am so sorry that I didn’t believe you.  I had a bad feeling about that Sheba, but I didn’t pay attention to it.  Can you forgive me?”

I wanted to make her suffer, cats.  But, I remembered how I felt when I wanted someone to forgive me.  So, I managed to say, “OK, I forgive you Angelina.”

After that, all of my friends came to my window and told me how sorry they were for not believing me.  I was so happy when that happened that I started to cry.  After I’d cried for long enough so they’d feel guilty forever to show them how happy I was that they believed me, I told them that I forgave them.  Then, they started telling me about the latest happenings in our neighborhood.  Sadly, a loud voice interrupted them.  It was Sheba yelling, “Hey!  Somebody let me out of this dumpster—now!”

All of us started to laugh.  Then Angelina and Simone hissed, “It’s going to be a while before we do that Fraidycat.”

“My name is Sheba now,” Fraidy/Sheba yowled.

“Not anymore!” we yowled back.

After we said that, Fraidy/Sheba started to yowl and hiss at everyone.  We weren’t scared of her, though.   It’s hard for a cat to be scary when she’s covered with garbage.  So, we just laughed at her and continued to gossip talk.  After a long time had passed, Fraidy finally admitted that she had lied about everything, and apologized to me.  So, Simone got her out of the dumpster, after she’d agreed to never lie about or hurt another cat ever again.  I hope she can keep that promise, or she may find herself living in the dumpster!

Right now, though, I’m just happy that all of my friends are talking to me again.  I guess that praying for Sheba really did help things to work out, even though I hated doing it at the time.  Right now, though, Herb is at my window and he is looking good. So, I am going to talk to him.  Type to you later, cats!

I Had to Pray for Sheba!

Hi cats.  I just did something that I have never done before—I prayed for a cat that I hate!  I never thought I’d do that.  However, after defending Mom from every male human who looked at our apartment this morning, I decided to take a break.  While I rested, I prayed, Jesus, this is so unfair.  Here I am protecting my Mom from a stalker, and being a good cat in general.  But, that Sheba is getting away with murder.  And, thanks to her, everyone thinks I’m a liar. That’s not fair!  Jesus, could you please hit her with a lightning bolt?

I heard nothing but silence.  So, I added, OK, Jesus, maybe just a little lightning bolt.  You know—just enough to scare her into telling the truth!

After I prayed for Him to do that, three words kept coming into my mind: Pray for her.

At first, I didn’t understand what He meant by that.  I mean, I had already prayed twice!  I was about to let Him know that when I heard Him whisper these words into my heart, “Pray for something nice to happen to her.”

When He said that, I let out such a loud yowl that people on the street started running away from our block.  Then I screamed, “No way!  I hate her.  I will not pray for something nice to happen to a cat that made me into a liar. That’s unfair!”

He replied, “People did a lot of things to Me that were unfair, and I died for them.”

Well, I really couldn’t argue with Him after He said that. Mom reads to me from the Bible, so I know about what happened to Him.  So, I prayed, Jesus, I hate Sheba, but since You asked me, I pray that You bless her.  In fact, I pray You bless her by finding her a new home today.  And, could You please make it an out-of-state home so that I’ll never have to see her again?

After I prayed, I could have sworn that He laughed.  Then, I heard Him say, “At least you tried, Grace. Good girl.

I was very happy when He said that.  And, I felt a perfect peace that I can’t explain for a few minutes.  Sadly, that didn’t last long because I heard Sheba yelling at the kittens again. That made me mad.  However, I have the funniest feeling that everything will work out—somehow.  In the meantime, though, I am going to keep trying to scare both the stalker and Sheba.  So, I have to say, “Bye” for now.  Type to you later cats!

Mom May Have a Stalker!

Hello cats.  I didn’t think things could get any worse around here but they have.  Mom may have a stalker!  This problem started when Mom found a note under her windshield wipers last Sunday while she was cleaning her car.  It was from a man that she doesn’t know.  He wrote that he lived in our apartment complex, noticed that she lived alone, and then gave her a phone number to “text him at any time” if she were single, and wanted to be his friend.

Well, Mom was flattered when she got this note, so I thought it wasn’t a big deal.  However, as she talked about her “cute” note to her friends, and I heard them telling her to be careful, I started to get worried.  And, now Mom is worried too!  So, she has told our landlord about this, and she is going to look up the number this guy gave her online.  She may even contact the police about this.

Until she does that, I have come up with a plan that I think will scare him away.  Here is what I’m going to do.  Whenever I see a male human looking at our apartment, I am going to act crazy!  I will froth at the mouth, glare at him, and make sure that the light is hitting my eyes just right so that they appear to be glowing.  While doing that, I will howl, yowl and hiss at him.  I figure that if I do all of these things, he will think that I have rabies and be afraid to come near our apartment.  Or, if he’s one of those humans who have all of the silly superstitions about black cats, he will think that I’m scary and stay away from us. I’ve got to go, though. There’s a man looking at our apartment, so it’s time for me to terrify him.  Type to you later, cats!