Sheba’s Made a Liar Out of Me!

Hi, cats.  How are you?  I hope all is well with you.  I haven’t posted for a while because I have been too upset to type.  That’s because Sheba’s made a liar out of me!  Here is what happened:

About two days after I posted about how mean Sheba was getting, Angelina came to my window.  When I saw her, I ran to the window and said, “Angelina, I’m so glad that you’re here.  Sheba has become a bully and I don’t know how to stop her!  She is tormenting the kittens.  What should we do about that?” I almost fainted when Angelina replied, “Grace, I didn’t want to believe Sheba when she told me you were making up stories about her.  But, now I see that it’s true!  How dare you lie about her?”

“Why don’t you ask Toby how he got the claw marks on his face?” I growled. (Toby is the name of the kitten that Sheba clawed in the face).

So, Angelina walked over to take a look at Toby.  And, I looked out of the window to see what Sheba was up to.  Well cats, that miserable Sheba was grooming him and giving him kisses.  You would have thought that he was her child.  However, I heard her hiss, “You’d better not tell on me or you’ll be sorry!” at him before Angelina got there.  So, poor Toby told Angelina that everything was OK, and that he’d gotten the claw mark on his face while climbing a tree.

Sadly, Angelina believed him.  So, she told me that she was not speaking to me until I apologized to Sheba and stopped lying about her.  I told her that wasn’t going to happen—ever.  So, after saying, “Well, then have fun on your own, Grace,” Angelina stalked away.

Of course as soon as Angelina was gone, Sheba started being mean again.  I don’t think that anyone will believe me though.  Sheba has convinced Angelina, and all of my friends that I am lying about her.  And, she’s very good at pretending to be nice to the kittens when Angelina, or any other cat in our neighborhood, is anywhere near our alley.  So, she has made a liar out me, and I don’t know what to do about that!

Cats, I need your help. If you have any ideas about how I can prove that Sheba is lying, please post!  I really need some advice. Thanks!

Sheba Has Turned into Clawzilla Junior!

Hi cats. How are you? Hope all is well with you.

I would have typed sooner, but if you look at the comments section of my web site, you’ll see that I’ve been busy answering comments. Mom told me our blog may be becoming more popular. I hope and pray that’s true. If it is, that could mean that I’ll make some money with my writing. If I do, I will donate at least some of it to the cats at the shelter where I came from. Then, I will buy enough salmon to feed me for life. After that, if there’s anything left over, I may buy Mom a little something—like a cup of coffee since she is cheating on her caffeine diet.

Now, I have to tell you about Sheba. In case you forgot, Sheba was formerly known as Fraidycat until she stood up to that mean Clawzilla. Well cats, I’m here to tell you that we may have a Clawzilla Junior on our hands named Sheba. Here are just a few of the things I’ve heard her say to the kittens that she hangs out with:

“Get me some food. I am the Queen of Sheba, so I don’t have to dirty my paws catching my own food anymore!”
“Get over here and scratch my back. Queens deserve a massage.”
“Don’t start anything with me, or I’ll claw your eyes out!”

Oh no! I just heard a yowl. It sounds like a kitten has been hurt. I’ll be right back. I have to see what’s going on!

Later . . .

Cats, you will not believe what I just saw. When I ran to the window, I saw Sheba clawing one of the youngest kittens in the alley. I cannot believe that she did that—especially since she knows how it feels to be another cat’s scratching post. I yelled at her, so that kitten is safe for now. However, I can’t be at the window all of the time. So, as soon as I see Angelina again, I am going to tell her about how mean Sheba has become. I’ve got to go, though. I’m going back to the window to make sure she doesn’t hurt anyone else until I snitch tell on her.

In the meantime, please post if you have any ideas about what I should do about that Sheba. Also, if you wish, please pray that Miss Clawzilla Junior doesn’t hurt anyone else. Thanks!

Please Pray for Me—My Mom Going through Caffeine Withdrawal!

Hello, cats.  This is going to be a quick post because I don’t want that woman to discover what I’m typing about.  Cats, I need your help and prayers over here.  My Mom is going through caffeine withdrawal!

This started when she went to someone called The Doctor, which I guess is the human equivalent of a vet.  The Doctor advised Mom to cut down on her coffee.  So, she is trying to do that.  However, she is driving me and everyone around her crazy while she is doing that.

First, she is very crabby.  She yelled at me this morning for playing!  OK, I have to admit that while she was trying to sleep, I was tossing my (fake) mouse right by her head, which woke her up.  Still, I don’t think I deserved to have her yell, “Hey! I am trying to sleep here.  If you throw that mouse one more time, it’s flying off of this bed and so are you!”  Thankfully, she didn’t follow through on that threat since she fell back asleep.  I still think that was mean, though.

Second, she almost jumped the coffeepot this morning so she could get her reduced caffeine fix.  After drinking a smaller amount of coffee than she usually does, she kept saying things like, “I don’t care what that doctor says.  I want more coffee—now!” and, “If this is supposed to make me calmer, why am I ready to kill someone?”  I stayed away from her when she said that!

Third, she is telling all of her friends how much better she feels with less caffeine in her system.  Well, I’m here to tell you that that’s a lie.  She is more of a frenzied wreck now than she was when she drank her normal amount of coffee.   And—

Oh no, here she comes! I’ve got to go cats. Please pray for me.  Also, if you have any suggestions about how to handle a human who is going through caffeine withdrawal, please post. I really need your help. Thanks!

What’s Been Going on In My Neighborhood

OK, I’m back.  Now, as promised, I am going to tell you about the latest things going on in my neighborhood.  I would have typed about this earlier, but due to computer crashes, Clawzilla and Taxes, I have either been trying to save the kittens or was unable to access my computer!  However, all of that is behind me now, so I can tell all of you the latest things that are happening with my secret friends.  I am going to type about my old friends first.  Here is a link to my first post about them.  It will help you get to know them if you are new to my blog and don’t know who I’m typing about.

http://graciesblog.com/home/2011/10/21/the-cats-outside-of-my-window/

Now, here’s what’s going on with my old friends. First, as some of you know, Callie the Kitten was adopted.   So far, she is very happy in her new home.  And, I don’t think it will surprise you cats to know who’s in charge of it—Callie 🙂

Angelina is OK too.  She is very busy helping the new kittens get over the trauma of being bullied by that Clawzilla.  She’s good at stuff like that, so I think the kittens will be fine.  And Herb is his usual flirty self.  He flirts with any female cat that he sees.  The only exception was Clawzilla, and I can understand that!

That Hussy is still prowling around Herb and any other male cat that will notice her. I haven’t posted about her for a while because she was so scared of that Clawzilla that she wasn’t around my neighborhood for a while.  Sadly, when Clawzilla left, she came back.  I’m not happy about that.  However, I guess I’d rather have her around than a psycho cat who bullies everyone she sees!

Trixie is still my best friend, and we still gossip together.  And, that annoying Priscilla (Cilly) is still coming to my window with all kinds of dramatic stories about what’s going in our neighborhood.  She can talk forever, so I still hide from her when I don’t feel like dealing with her drama.  However, she usually has the latest gossip about what’s going on in our neighborhood.  So, I still talk to her sometimes.

Now, here is what is going on with my new secret friends that I just posted about.  First, Fraidycat has a new name!  After she’d stood up to Clawzilla, and Bruno saved her life, she told us, and “I’m tired of you calling me Fraidycat.  I was the only kitten who tried to fight Clawzilla.  So, from now on, I want you to call me Sheba—you know, like the Queen of Sheba in the Bible.”  I wanted to tell her that if it hadn’t been for Bruno, she’d have been killed.  However, both my friends and I like her, so we said, “OK, Sheba.”  So, that’s what we call her now.

Bruno (the cat who beat up Clawzilla) and the kittens are part of our neighborhood.  And, all of the kittens are staying.  All of us are trying to help them take care of themselves, and they are doing well at that.  And, thanks to Bruno, all of them can beg food from our neighbors when they don’t feel like catching dinner for themselves.  Max the Kitten is especially good at that, when he’s not chasing every female cat in the neighborhood.  Hazel decided to stay here too.  In case you don’t remember, Hazel is the cat that stood up for the kittens and got beat up during Clawzilla’s reign of terror in our neighborhood.  I really like her too.  We talk a lot at my window when Mom’s gone!

Last, Simone the Stealth Cat is doing fine.  She is still spying on everyone and everything in our neighborhood.  Besides that, I can’t tell you much about how she’s doing.  She is a very mysterious cat!

So, all is well with both my old and new friends in the neighborhood—for now at least.  I’ve got to go, though. All of this typing has made me hungry!  Type to you later, cats!

My New Secret Friends In the Neighborhood

Hi cats.  I’ve created this post so that if you are new to my blog, you will know who I am talking about in my next post about what’s been going on in our neigborhood. My new friends are:

Bruno:  Bruno is a twelve-year-old black and white male cat.  He’s the one who beat up Clawzilla.  He is still out on the streets because when his human Mom died, no one took him in.  So, as he puts it, he is now living an adventurous life. Bruno is the Begging King, so he is still teaching the kittens how to beg for food when they don’t feel like catching their own dinner.  He has become like a Cat Dad to me.  And, all of us feel safer with him around since he can do the cat version of karate.

Clawzilla:  Clawzilla is not a friend of mine.  However, I’m including that miserable cat in this listing in case you are new to my blog and don’t know who I’m talking about.  Clawzilla was the cat who terrorized our neighborhood by hurting my friends, and bullying kittens.  She is gone, thanks to Bruno beating her up.  I really hope that we never see her again!

Fraidycat/Sheba:   Fraidycat is over three months old now. She is a pretty black kitten with big green eyes like mine. Fraidycat/Sheba asked us to call her “Sheba” after she stood up to Clawzilla.  We do, even though we know that without Bruno’s help, she’d have been killed for doing that. Sheba still has a sweet personality—that is she has a sweet personality when she’s not trying to act like the “Queen of Sheba.”  When she does that, we all ignore her.  I sure hope she doesn’t become a mean cat like Clawzilla!

Max the Kitten:  Max is the kitten who wanted to stay with me during Operation Snowstorm.  He is an orange tabby with bright blue eyes.  He’s much bigger than he was when I posted about him in my “Mean Dog” and “Operation Snowstorm” posts. In fact, he is currently in heat.  So, he is chasing all of the female kittens and cats in our neighborhood.   He even tried to sweet-talk me once! I don’t think he’ll do that again, since I let him know that I was not interested in him.  There are lots of girl cats who like him though.  I have a feeling that he’ll turn out like Herb when he grows up.

Hazel:  Hazel is five-year-old brown and white tabby female cat.  Hazel is the cat who tried to protect the kittens from that mean Clawzilla and got beat up while doing that.  I like her because she is brave, and is fun to talk to.  Hazel also longs for a home of her own.  However, she is afraid that no human/s will want her because she’s “too old.”  I hope that isn’t true.  Hazel is a good cat who deserves a home of her own.

Simone the Stealth Cat:  Simone is the mysterious gray cat that I’ve posted about before.  I’m not sure that I can call her my friend, since I know nothing about her!  I don’t even know if she has a home, or is another alley cat.  However, she always shows up when we have a bad situation on our hands.  So, I am happy that she is part of our neighborhood.  We need her!

There are other new cats in my neighborhood, but these are the cats I talk to the most.  I hope this post helps you to get a good idea of what my new friends are like.  Next, I’m going to tell you the latest gossip news about them in a separate post that I’m putting up right now.  I’ll be right back!

 

Help! I Haven’t Been Able to Post Because Mom Was Doing “Taxes”

Hi cats.  I’m sorry that I haven’t posted for so long. I haven’t been able to because you-know-who has been hogging the computer doing something called, “Taxes”.

Now, I’m not sure what “Taxes” are.  However, after watching Mom for the last few days, I know that they involve filling out tons of forms, require knowledge of “tax laws” that change every year, and are very scary because if your human/s make even one mistake on them, they could get in trouble or even go to jail.  Now, just in case there are any kittens reading this, “jail” is a place that humans go when they’ve been bad.

In jail, humans are caged just like I was when I was at the animal shelter.  However, no one wants to adopt the humans who are in jail.  Instead, they want to keep them there so they won’t do any more bad things.  Now, I don’t understand how putting a human in a cage for years prevents them from doing bad things.  In fact, I think that they’re so mad about being locked up that they want to do more bad things.  I have given up trying to figure stuff like this out, though. It’s just another thing about humans that I don’t understand!

Anyway, back to “Taxes”.  When Mom was doing them, her hair stood on end.  And, she paced around the apartment while mumbling things such as, “Who created this crazy system?” and, “I don’t care if I’m getting a refund.  This is too much work!”  I really was worried about her sanity.  However, after much prayer and drama, she is finally finished with them.  I’m glad because now I can type to everyone again!

In my next post, I am going to update you on what’s been going on with my friends in the neighborhood.  Right now, though, I’m going to lie down.  All of this “Taxes” drama has exhausted me!

My Mom Has Turned into a Clean Freak!

Hi cats.  How are you?  Hope all is well with you.

I am happy to say that as of today, Clawzilla hasn’t been spotted in our neighborhood.  So, all is well with me and my friends.  And, Mom is spending less time on the computer and paying attention to me.  However, she’s replaced her computer obsession with a cleaning obsession.  In fact, she has turned into a clean freak!  She has cleaned every surface in our home with icky chemicals.  And, she has taken out that machine that I hate—the evil vacuum cleaner— and vacuumed twice in one week.  Worst of all, she almost hit me in the head with something called a “mop”:  Here is what it looks like:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I know, it doesn’t look like it could hurt anyone. However, in my Mom’s hands a mop is a lethal weapon. I had to hide under the bed so she wouldn’t hit me in the head with it.  And, she got so into cleaning that she actually swept and mopped under the microwave where she found my secret stash of toys:

 

 

 

 

 

She tried to put them back the way I’d arranged them, but it will take me days to get them back to the way they should be.  Worst of all she used some horrible smelly stuff to mop the floor with.  She told me it was pet-friendly, but I have to disagree with her on that.  If it were “pet-friendly” it wouldn’t have made my eyes water.  And, it wouldn’t have stunk!

Right now, she has stopped cleaning.  I am very happy about that.  However, I know it’s only a matter of time before she begins again.  So, I need your help cats. Have any of your human/s turned into clean freaks?  If so, what did you do about that?  Please post soon.  You may be saving me from death by cleaning!

Bye-bye Clawzilla!

Cats, I have good news.  Clawzilla is gone!  And, I don’t think she’ll be back.  Here is what happened:

While I was looking out of the window this morning, I heard Clawzilla growl at Fraidycat (Fraidy), “Gimme some more food—now!”

To my surprise, Fraidy said, “No.  I won’t do it.  I am sick of you pushing me around!” Then, she clawed Clawzilla in the face.

After she did that, it got very quiet in the alley.  Then Clawzilla growled, “You will be very sorry that you messed with me, Fraidy!”  Then, she extended her claws and got ready to beat up Fraidy.  All of us were terrified because Clawzilla looked as if she would kill her.

God, please help us, I prayed.

Just as she was about to pounce, a deep voice said, “That’s. Enough. Clawzilla.”  It was Bruno!  Then he hissed, “Leave her alone or you will have to deal with me, Clawzilla.  And you don’t want that.”

“Yeah, right!  You are an old, scrawny cat.  I’ll get you after I get Fraidy!” Clawzilla replied.

Then, she pounced at Fraidy.  But before she could get to her, I heard the strangest sound that I’ve ever heard a cat make come from Bruno’s mouth, “Keeyoooooowwww!”

Then, he made moves that I didn’t know a cat could make.   He caught Clawzilla in mid-pounce and flipped her into the dumpster.  And, he got her good with his claws.  Clawzilla fought hard, but Bruno both defended himself and kept flipping her into the dumpster.  Finally, after she’d been almost been knocked unconscious, Clawzilla gave up.

“This is the end of your reign of terror around here, Clawzilla.  Either behave, or get out of our neighborhood,” Bruno stated.

“I don’t have to behave.  I am Clawzilla.  I can do whatever I want,” Clawzilla hissed.  No one was scared of her though.  In fact, we were laughing at her because, well—how can I put this delicately—OK, because she was covered with poop!   That happened because during one of her many landings into the dumpster, she fell into the bag full of my dirty litter that my Mom had just thrown out.

“Not in our neighborhood you can’t,” we yowled as one.

After that, Clawzilla said, “Fine!  I’m leaving.  But, I’ll be back and you’ll be sorry—especially you, Bruno.”

Then she slowly stalked off to terrorize another neighborhood.  I don’t think that will work for her, though.  We’ve put out an All Cats Bulletin on her, so all of the cats in the area will know who they’ll be dealing with.  And, Bruno said he will be happy to travel anywhere to stop her from harming another kitten.

So, she is gone and we are happy. I did ask Bruno where he learned the moves he made.  He just smiled mysteriously and said, “My Mom loved to watch karate movies, and I paid a lot of attention to them.”

I hope that he’ll teach me how to do those moves of his someday.  In the meantime, though, I am just happy that she’s gone.  Oh, and as for that Mom of mine?  I’m happy to report that she’s paying more attention to me.  I’ll tell you more about that later.  Right now, I’ve got to go.  All of this drama has exhausted me!

Help! My Mom Is a Computer Addict

Hi cats.  Would you believe it took a whole day for me to get access to this computer?  I have finally realized that my Mom is a computer addict.  I would have figured this out before, but I have been upset about what that Clawzilla is doing.

I figured this out when I thought about Mom’s behavior during the seven days that our computer was gone.  I’ve already told you about some of it but here are some more of the things she did during that time:

  • She mumbled web addresses in her sleep
  • She went to the library twice because she had to get on the Internet
  • She only got 3 and a half hours of sleep on Sunday night, which was the night before she thought our computer was coming back.  Then, she was crabby all day
  • She wanted to call off work on Monday (March 26, 2012) so she wouldn’t miss the computer delivery.  Thankfully, her friends talked her out of that idea
  • On the day that our computer actually came back (Tuesday), she called the FedEx information line at least twice.  And, she gave both her home and cell numbers to FedEx so that the driver could call her.  So, at this point in time, the FedEx person has more information about my Mom than most of her friends have
  • She asked me if she should put up some confetti and balloons to welcome the computer back.  My thoughts about this are best left unsaid
  • She was ready to take a long drive to where our computer was being repaired to help the technicians fix it
  • Worst of all, since our computer is back, she has been on it for hours, while ignoring me

I am furious about that because I was the nicest cat in the world when our computer was gone.  I comforted Mom. I snuggled with her.  I gave her kisses. I even endured her wanting to play with me constantly.  And, I worried about her because of her computer obsession.  So, I am planning ways to get her attention.  I think I’ll do something really dramatic—like throwing up on the bed.  Or, maybe I’ll hide and she’ll think that I ran away.

Now it’s your turn, cats.  First, do you think my Mom is a computer addict?  If you do, please tell me what I should do about that.  Second, I’d really appreciate any advice that you have about getting rid of that mean Clawzilla cat that I’ve talked about in my previous posts.  Third, if you wish, please pray for my Mom. She needs it!

Thanks!

Grace