It’s 9:30 AM and I’m Already in Trouble!

I'm in Trouble---Again

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hi cats. You are not going to believe this, but it’s only 9:30 AM human time, and I’m already in trouble! I know I’m posting this later, but that’s the time when the events described in this post actually happened. This problem started when that woman and I were curled up on the pillow and having a nice snuggie. Here what she said and I thought as this situation developed:

Mom: Come here Gracie. We can have a nice snuggie!

Me: Oh all right, if that’s what makes you happy. I’ll jump up on the pillow with you. Here I am!

Mom: Let me rub your belly . . .

Me: Ahhh—yes! That feels good. Now scratch my back. OK, now scratch me behind my ears. Thanks! Purr, purr, purr . . .

Mom: You’re my good girl, and I love you . . . z, Z—

Our state of bliss was interrupted by a loud BAM! BAM! BAM! at the door. I knew it was a stranger so I quickly took evasive action. Unfortunately, I was in such a hurry that I clawed my Mom’s finger. She yelled, “Bad cat!” Then, she answered the door.

The person knocking was the FedEx guy. He said, “I have a package here for Grace E. Catt. Yes, Grace E. Catt . . .” Then, he looked at my Mom like she was crazy when she opened the door, especially when she said, “Do you want me to sign as Grace E. Catt?” He told her, “No. You are the person answering the door. Sign as yourself!”

Me: (while under the bed) Yes! It’s the treats I’m supposed to review from chewy.com. This is going to be a great day!

Mom: (after the FedEx guy left, and I came out from under the bed to get my treats apologize to her) Bad cat! You don’t claw Momma—ever! You can forget about getting those treats today.”  After saying that she scruffed me!

Me: Mom, you have to sleep sometime, and then I’ll get you for scruffing me. Now—give me my treats! OW! You didn’t have to scruff me again!

This is so unfair, cats! I mean, I barely scratched her. Here is a picture of her “injury”:

Mom?  I Barely Scratched You!

Mom? I Barely Scratched You!

 

 

 

 

 

 

As you can see, she was not hurt badly. Also, it’s not my fault that her finger was in the way of my escape from stranger danger. This is not fair, and I’m mad! However, I will pretend that I am sorry for what I did until she gives me my treats. Then, I’ll get her when she least expects it. I’ll tell you what happened and/or review the treats in my next post. Also, I will post about the construction destruction, after I get my treats. Bye for now, cats.

All Is Well—for Now

Hi cats.  I just wanted to let you know that all is well with my Mom and that flirting of hers.  I was going to act sick to make her stay home, but then I remembered that might get me sent to the vet.  So, I put her on a guilt trip by giving her the saddest looks I could come up with before she left.  I even managed to make tears come to my eyes.

I think it worked because she came home early and told me she was sorry for leaving me at home alone.  So, I won after all!  I’m very happy about that.  I’ve got to go, though.  I think I see a really good-looking male cat by our window, so I want to flirt with him welcome him to the neighborhood.  I’m just being friendly because I am not a flirt like my Mom is!

In my next posts, I will tell all of you about how we cats took over the construction that is going on in our neighborhood.  Until then I hope all of you have a great night, and remember to keep those humans of yours under control!

Grace

How I Stopped my Mom from—FLIRTING!

Hi cats. Here is the post that I promised you about how I stopped my Mom from being a flirt.

This whole problem started when she took longer to wash her clothes in the laundry room. When that happened, I figured she was fighting for washers and dryers. Well, cats, that’s not why she was taking so long. She was taking forever to do her laundry because she was talking to a male human in the laundry room. I found out about that from my friends who occasionally spy on her.

I solved that little problem by going in the window and acting crazy whenever that guy peeked at our apartment. After my latest display, I think I have scared him away—forever. However, that didn’t stop my Mom! The next flirtatious move that she made was when she flirted with the AT&T guy. Here is the conversation that she had with him:

Mom: How do you climb that big pole all by yourself?

AT&T Guy: If you stick around, I’ll show you. After he said that, he puffed out his chest and threw two hooks into the pole, and began to climb it. My Mom watched him with interest. However, she had something to do so she sighed and said, “Well, I’ve got to go—”

“Are you through looking?” the AT&T guy interrupted.

“Yes,” my Mom replied. Then she added, “I don’t want to distract you.” After she said that, she went back into our courtyard where the guy couldn’t see her.

I thought that problem was over with, but you will faint when you hear what happened next, cats. A few days later, my Mom walked out of our apartment and guess who was there? The AT&T guy! My Mom said “Hi.” to him and he reminded her of how he’d been “the guy on the pole last week.” Thankfully she had something to do that day so she told him she had to go. I can’t put what he said after she left on a family blog. However, he has given up on flirting with my Mom.

At that point cats, I’d had it. So, I did several things to stop my Mom from flirting including:

  • Pretending I was indifferent to her by curling up in a ball like this:Yes, I Am Ignoring You, Mom!

 

 

 

 

 

  • Throwing up a lot which both grossed her out and kept her too busy cleaning up after me to flirt.
  • Yowling, howling and generally acting crazy around our windows to discourage any of those men she’s flirting with from coming to our home.

It’s been a long battle, but I think I’ve won. It’s been a week since my Mom has flirted with anyone. Oh! She’s talking to me. Let me see what she has to say . . .

“Grace! I’m going out with my friend B. today to a festival. I wonder if there will be any cute guys there?”

Oh, no. No! I’ve got to go cats. I think I’ll pretend I’m sick to make her stay home. I’ll tell you what happened in my next post.

Update

Hi cats. How are you? I hope that all is well with you.

I am sorry that I haven’t posted for so long. I have been very busy controlling my Mom, who was turning into a flirt. Also, I have been working with all of the cats in my neighborhood to control the Construction Destruction that is devastating our neighborhood. As of today, we cats have taken care of most of the problems with it. So, I have time to post now. My next post will be about how I stopped my Mom from being a flirt. Type to you soon cats!

I’m Going to KILL that Mom of mine!

Hello, cats. I know that I said that I’d post about my friends in the neighborhood. However, my Mom did such a horrible thing to me yesterday that I just had to post about it!

Yesterday, I knew the day was not going to be good when I heard a knock on the door. I do not like strangers, so I took evasive action by hiding under the bed. The male human that was knocking said he was here to set up our new phone and Internet service. However, I noticed that he was checking out my Mom more than the phones or computer that he was supposed to set up. So, I rustled under the bed just to let him know that I was there, and that if he even touched my Mom, I’d claw his eyes out. He chuckled and said, “Oh, my cat hides too.” Mom smiled at him and said, “Oh, then you know what it’s like.” I think that man just said that to get my Mom interested in him. I’ll bet he doesn’t even have a cat!

Next, my Mom did something that shocked me. After saying, “I’ve got to go and do the laundry. I’ll be right back,” she walked out of the door, and left me alone in the house with a stranger!  I was terrified because that man could have been a psycho cat killer in a phone guy uniform. So, I stayed under the bed while plotting ways that I would claw his eyes out if he tried to hurt me.

Thankfully, that didn’t happen. However, I am furious about this—especially since my Mom kept leaving me alone with that man so that she could “finish her laundry.” I mean, what is more important to her—her clothes or her cat? After two hours of horror, that man finally left. That gave me plenty of time to figure out ways to punish her. Here are just a few of the things that I’ve done to her so far:

  • I left a nasty surprise for her in front of my litter box. Sadly, she didn’t step in it.
  • I threw a ball at her at 5:00 A.M hoping to leave a bruise. She thought I was playing with her. I wasn’t.
  • I am tearing up the closet right now. She just yelled at me, so I’ll stop—for now.

I have other things that I’m planning to do to her, like clawing up her clothes when she goes to sleep tonight. Right now, though, I’m going to be very nice to her so that she doesn’t know what I’m up to. I’ll be checking this blog after she goes to sleep, so if any of you cats have ideas about other ways that I can punish her please post. Thanks!

The Medicine Wars—Conclusion

Hello, cats.  I am sorry that I didn’t post on Tuesday like I promised to.  I could give you all kinds of excuses, but the truth is that I’m embarrassed because I never got to claw up my Mom’s hands.

This is what happened.  After my Mom fell asleep, I was running around the apartment and pouncing on my toys to prepare for what I called “the clawing that would end this medicine torture forever.”  Suddenly, I heard a voice I hadn’t heard for a while say, “Hsssssssssssst.  Grace, what are you doing in there?”

After I ran to the window, I was happy to see that it was Bruno’s voice I heard.  Now, in case you are new to my blog, Bruno is the cat who beat up the meanest cat in the neighborhood, Clawzilla.  When he did that, we found out that Bruno knows how to do what I can only call, “Katate.”  I was so happy to see him, cats.  I figured that with his help, I could really get my Mom.  So, I told him about what I was planning to do.  Then, I asked him if he could teach me some katate moves that would make my Mom stop giving me medicine—forever.

I was shocked when Bruno gave me a dirty look.  Then he said, “Grace, you are an ungrateful brat cat.  All that your Mom is doing is treating the infection behind your ear—”

“How dare you call me a brat cat?  She is torturing me, and I’m going to defend myself!” I screamed.

Bruno glared at me in a way that made my fur stand up.  Then he growled, “Fine, Grace.  Go claw up your Mom.  Then, you’ll be back out on the streets.  I hope you like it out here!”  Then, he stalked away.

I was furious with that cat.  So, I decided to ignore him, and I ran over to the bed to pounce on my Mom’s hand.  As I was about to do that, a strong Voice said, “No

I knew that Voice.  But I wanted to do what I wanted to do.  So I pounced at my Mom’s hand, with claws extended.  Then, it was like there was an invisible wall between me and my Mom!  Every time I tried to get her, I ended up bouncing onto the floor beside our bed.  Finally, I gave up and said, “OK, God, I won’t get her tonight.  But could you please make her stop shoving that awful medicine down my throat?”

I thought I heard him say, “Wait” After that, I went to sleep.

I’m glad that I waited cats.  The next day, my Mom called the veterinarian because she felt that I’d “gone through enough torture with this medicine.”  I jumped for joy when I heard him say that if I was all better, she could stop giving it to me.  My Mom is cautious so she gave me two more doses of the horrid pink stuff.  Then she said, “Grace, there will be no more medicine.”  I was very happy to hear that.  And, she has kept her word so far.

However, she is still putting medicine on her hands.  Before I was stopped from clawing her, I managed to leave a few marks on her hands.  Here are two pictures of them:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m glad that this is over with, and I know I can’t attack her in her sleep. However, these marks show that in a battle between a human and a cat—-the cat always wins.  Type to you later!

Grace the Sneaky Clawer

The Medicine Wars 2.5—The Nightmare Continues

Hi cats.  I am typing this post while hiding under the bed from that woman.  Cats, would you believe that she is still shoving medicine down my throat?  I mean, it has been almost ten days now.  So, any “infection” I had should be killed. I’ve concluded that she is doing this to torture me.

Well cats, I am not taking this lying down.  She has to go to sleep soon.  After she does that, I plan on clawing her hands up so that she won’t ever be able to give me medicine again.  I will tell you how that goes tomorrow.  I have to go now, because I need to plan my attack. Type to you soon!

The Medicine Wars: Part Two

Hello cats. This is the post that I promised you that will tell you more about what that evil woman is doing to me.   I am about to get very graphic, so if you are a kitten who is less than six months old, please don’t read any further.  What I’m about to post will give you nightmares.

What that woman has been doing to me is taking a large medicine syringe that is bigger than my face, forcing my mouth open, and then squirting vile-tasting medicine down my throat.  She tells me this will prevent me from getting a really bad infection.  I think she’s doing this to torture me.

I have evaded her many times, but she has become as sneaky as a cat!  So, she has managed to capture me fourteen times to do this to me.  However, I am not without defenses, so here are a just three of the things that I’ve done to her in revenge for what she’d doing to me:

  1. I scratched her arm while pretending to stretch.
  2. I tied her favorite jewelry into a knot like this

 

 

 

 

 

 

3: I treated her to a half hour midnight concert of yowling, growling and howling to remind her of what I’m capable of, while giving her dirty looks like this:

 

 

 

 

 

 

None of these things have stopped her though.  However, I think I have come up with the perfect strategy to make her stop giving me medicine.  As soon as she does that again, I will put my paw down my throat and make myself throw up!  Then, she’ll think the medicine made me sick, so she’ll stop giving it to me.  Oh!  I see she has the syringe in her hand.  She is about to get a nasty surprise.  I will tell you what happened in a minute . . .

Continue reading

The Medicine Wars Part One

Hello, cats.  I’m here to report that my Mom has turned into a cat torturer.  Cats, she is squirting medicine down my throat.  Words cannot express how unhappy I am with what she’s doing.  Well actually they could, but this is a family blog.  All I will say is that I am doing everything I can to discourage her from her attempts to put any type of medicine in or on me. I am hiding under the bed.  I am spitting out the medicine she gives me when she’s not looking.  And, most importantly, I am plotting revenge so that she will never do this to me again!

I will post more about this topic later.  Right now, I am going to sharpen my claws so that I am ready for her next attempt to give me medicine.  Until then, if you have any ideas on how to stop her from doing this, please post.  Thanks!

The Vet Visit

Hello, cats.  I am going to tell you the story of yet another horrible visit to the person who that woman calls the veterinarian (vet), and I call the cat torturer, in words and pictures.  This whole nightmare started when Mom found out I had red bumps behind my ears that were bleeding.  So, she decided to take me to the vet.  Here I am right after she captured me:

 

 

 

 

 

 

As you can see, I was not happy.  After this picture was taken, I had to endure two horrible things:  Mom’s driving, and her singing to me as she did that.  Yowwwl!  After that, we arrived at the vet’s office.  Here is a picture of me before that torturer came into the room:

 

 

 

 

 

 

What happened next was so horrible that I’ll just tell you about it.  That man squeezed the already sore spots behind my ears. That hurt!  Then he told Mom that he “strongly suspected a spider bite.”  After that, he gave Mom some medicine to give me.  Then, I was back in the carrier and had to endure yet another drive with Mom as she sang to me—again.  This is how I felt about that:

 

 

 

 

 

 

We finally arrived home, where I had another unpleasant surprise waiting for me.  Mom actually gave me the foul-tasting medicine that the vet gave her.  I plan on stopping that.  Until then, this picture shows exactly how I feel about this whole matter:

Angrily,

Grace who is going to get the vet and my Mom too!