It Didn’t Work!

Hello everyone.  I wish I could tell you that my plan to get even with my Mom worked.  Sadly, it didn’t and I am not happy about that:

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here’s what happened: Mom came home about an hour after I wrote my last post.  By then, I’d made sure that her slippers were right where she always steps into them.  I greeted her at the door as I normally do so that she wouldn’t know what I was up to.  I even let her rub my belly.  Then, the moment I was waiting for happened.  She walked toward her slippers.  I jumped on top of the speaker so that I could see the look on her face when she stepped into them.   I could hardly wait to hear the squish, and hear her scream!

Sadly, I didn’t hear either of these things because Mom looked at her slippers before she stepped into them.  So, the only scream I heard was when she yelled, “Grace!  Why did you throw up all over my slippers?  This is disgusting!”  Then, she cleaned up the mess while glaring at me.  After she was done she asked me if I had thrown up on her slippers to get even with her for vacuuming.  Well, there was no way I’d admit to that.  So, I gave her my best innocent look and pretended to be very interested in what was going on outside.  She seemed to fall for that, because she stopped glaring at me.

I am scared by what happened, though.  It was if my Mom could read my mind.  I don’t want that to happen or I won’t get away with anything around here.  Cats, I need your help.  Have your human/s ever succeeded in reading your mind?  If so, please post and tell me what you did about that. You will help me to continue to get away with murder control my Mom.  Thanks!

I’m Getting Even with my Mom!

Hi cats.  How are you?  I hope that things are going better for you than they are for me!

Cats, would you believe that my Mom had the nerve to get out the evil vacuum cleaner?  Here is a picture of it in camouflage:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As you can see, it is big and it is scary.  That didn’t stop my Mom from using it, though.  She had that thing running for over a half hour.  And, that woman laughed when I hid under the bed from that murderous machine and said, “Oh come on, Grace.   You are being overdramatic.   The vacuum can’t hurt you as long as I’m running it.” I got mad when she said that.  What made me furious, though, was when she actually ran the vacuum cleaner under the bed where I was hiding!

Well, I’m not letting her get away with that, cats.  So, I just threw up in those things she calls house slippers.  I can hardly wait to see the expression on her face when she gets home and steps into them.  That will show her not to laugh at me.  And, hopefully it will cure her of using that vacuum—forever.  I’ll let you know what happens in my next post!

Please Pray for My Mom!

Hi cats.  How are you?  Hope all is well with you!

I thought that everything was OK when my friends finally figured out that Sheba was a liar.  Well, I was wrong.  Last Sunday, my Mom woke up, looked at me and said, “Grace, the room is spinning!”  I thought that she was joking, but I gave her a snuggie anyway.  She wasn’t.  Mom had a real dizzy spell that she used a fancy word for—vertigo. So, I am really worried about her:

 

 

 

 

I wish I could say that she rushed to the doctor.  Sadly, I can’t.  I think my Mom hates going to the doctor as much as I hate going to the vet.  So, she went back to sleep, and waited until the next day to see a doctor at a clinic. Since it was the holiday that humans call, “Memorial Day”, there was almost no one at the clinic that Mom went to.  However, after doing almost nothing, the doctor told Mom that she probably was OK, and that “there is no need for any blood work or other tests to be done.”  Mom was happy to hear that, but I think that doctor was crazy.   I mean, even the vet probably would have run tests on me if I’d gotten dizzy.

So far, Mom is OK.  She worked last week, and even laid out in the sun today.  Still, I think that she needs to be looked over by her doctor.  I mean, if she forces me to go to the vet even when there’s nothing wrong with me, she should have to do the same thing!  And, her telling me that she’s already found a home for me if she dies is not doing anything for my peace of mind.

So, I’m asking for your help cats.  Please pray for my Mom!  And, if you can think of any way for me to persuade her to go to the doctor, please post your ideas.  Thanks!

Mom May Have a Stalker!

Hello cats.  I didn’t think things could get any worse around here but they have.  Mom may have a stalker!  This problem started when Mom found a note under her windshield wipers last Sunday while she was cleaning her car.  It was from a man that she doesn’t know.  He wrote that he lived in our apartment complex, noticed that she lived alone, and then gave her a phone number to “text him at any time” if she were single, and wanted to be his friend.

Well, Mom was flattered when she got this note, so I thought it wasn’t a big deal.  However, as she talked about her “cute” note to her friends, and I heard them telling her to be careful, I started to get worried.  And, now Mom is worried too!  So, she has told our landlord about this, and she is going to look up the number this guy gave her online.  She may even contact the police about this.

Until she does that, I have come up with a plan that I think will scare him away.  Here is what I’m going to do.  Whenever I see a male human looking at our apartment, I am going to act crazy!  I will froth at the mouth, glare at him, and make sure that the light is hitting my eyes just right so that they appear to be glowing.  While doing that, I will howl, yowl and hiss at him.  I figure that if I do all of these things, he will think that I have rabies and be afraid to come near our apartment.  Or, if he’s one of those humans who have all of the silly superstitions about black cats, he will think that I’m scary and stay away from us. I’ve got to go, though. There’s a man looking at our apartment, so it’s time for me to terrify him.  Type to you later, cats!

Please Pray for Me—My Mom Going through Caffeine Withdrawal!

Hello, cats.  This is going to be a quick post because I don’t want that woman to discover what I’m typing about.  Cats, I need your help and prayers over here.  My Mom is going through caffeine withdrawal!

This started when she went to someone called The Doctor, which I guess is the human equivalent of a vet.  The Doctor advised Mom to cut down on her coffee.  So, she is trying to do that.  However, she is driving me and everyone around her crazy while she is doing that.

First, she is very crabby.  She yelled at me this morning for playing!  OK, I have to admit that while she was trying to sleep, I was tossing my (fake) mouse right by her head, which woke her up.  Still, I don’t think I deserved to have her yell, “Hey! I am trying to sleep here.  If you throw that mouse one more time, it’s flying off of this bed and so are you!”  Thankfully, she didn’t follow through on that threat since she fell back asleep.  I still think that was mean, though.

Second, she almost jumped the coffeepot this morning so she could get her reduced caffeine fix.  After drinking a smaller amount of coffee than she usually does, she kept saying things like, “I don’t care what that doctor says.  I want more coffee—now!” and, “If this is supposed to make me calmer, why am I ready to kill someone?”  I stayed away from her when she said that!

Third, she is telling all of her friends how much better she feels with less caffeine in her system.  Well, I’m here to tell you that that’s a lie.  She is more of a frenzied wreck now than she was when she drank her normal amount of coffee.   And—

Oh no, here she comes! I’ve got to go cats. Please pray for me.  Also, if you have any suggestions about how to handle a human who is going through caffeine withdrawal, please post. I really need your help. Thanks!

My Mom Has Turned into a Clean Freak!

Hi cats.  How are you?  Hope all is well with you.

I am happy to say that as of today, Clawzilla hasn’t been spotted in our neighborhood.  So, all is well with me and my friends.  And, Mom is spending less time on the computer and paying attention to me.  However, she’s replaced her computer obsession with a cleaning obsession.  In fact, she has turned into a clean freak!  She has cleaned every surface in our home with icky chemicals.  And, she has taken out that machine that I hate—the evil vacuum cleaner— and vacuumed twice in one week.  Worst of all, she almost hit me in the head with something called a “mop”:  Here is what it looks like:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I know, it doesn’t look like it could hurt anyone. However, in my Mom’s hands a mop is a lethal weapon. I had to hide under the bed so she wouldn’t hit me in the head with it.  And, she got so into cleaning that she actually swept and mopped under the microwave where she found my secret stash of toys:

 

 

 

 

 

She tried to put them back the way I’d arranged them, but it will take me days to get them back to the way they should be.  Worst of all she used some horrible smelly stuff to mop the floor with.  She told me it was pet-friendly, but I have to disagree with her on that.  If it were “pet-friendly” it wouldn’t have made my eyes water.  And, it wouldn’t have stunk!

Right now, she has stopped cleaning.  I am very happy about that.  However, I know it’s only a matter of time before she begins again.  So, I need your help cats. Have any of your human/s turned into clean freaks?  If so, what did you do about that?  Please post soon.  You may be saving me from death by cleaning!

Help! My Mom Is a Computer Addict

Hi cats.  Would you believe it took a whole day for me to get access to this computer?  I have finally realized that my Mom is a computer addict.  I would have figured this out before, but I have been upset about what that Clawzilla is doing.

I figured this out when I thought about Mom’s behavior during the seven days that our computer was gone.  I’ve already told you about some of it but here are some more of the things she did during that time:

  • She mumbled web addresses in her sleep
  • She went to the library twice because she had to get on the Internet
  • She only got 3 and a half hours of sleep on Sunday night, which was the night before she thought our computer was coming back.  Then, she was crabby all day
  • She wanted to call off work on Monday (March 26, 2012) so she wouldn’t miss the computer delivery.  Thankfully, her friends talked her out of that idea
  • On the day that our computer actually came back (Tuesday), she called the FedEx information line at least twice.  And, she gave both her home and cell numbers to FedEx so that the driver could call her.  So, at this point in time, the FedEx person has more information about my Mom than most of her friends have
  • She asked me if she should put up some confetti and balloons to welcome the computer back.  My thoughts about this are best left unsaid
  • She was ready to take a long drive to where our computer was being repaired to help the technicians fix it
  • Worst of all, since our computer is back, she has been on it for hours, while ignoring me

I am furious about that because I was the nicest cat in the world when our computer was gone.  I comforted Mom. I snuggled with her.  I gave her kisses. I even endured her wanting to play with me constantly.  And, I worried about her because of her computer obsession.  So, I am planning ways to get her attention.  I think I’ll do something really dramatic—like throwing up on the bed.  Or, maybe I’ll hide and she’ll think that I ran away.

Now it’s your turn, cats.  First, do you think my Mom is a computer addict?  If you do, please tell me what I should do about that.  Second, I’d really appreciate any advice that you have about getting rid of that mean Clawzilla cat that I’ve talked about in my previous posts.  Third, if you wish, please pray for my Mom. She needs it!

Thanks!

Grace

Help! I Think Mom Has Gone Crazy

Hi cats.  How are you?  I hope that all is well with you!

I am really worried about my Mom.  I think she has gone crazy!  I think that because of what happened this morning.  After Mom woke up, I was so excited that she was up and moving that I ran to meet her on the top of the refrigerator.  I do that by jumping up on the couch, getting on the bookcase and then jumping up on the refrigerator.  Today, that did not go well.  I tripped while jumping up on the refrigerator.  Then, I got tangled up in the nice fleece blanket she has on top of it.  That led me to knock down the big ceramic cat on top of the refrigerator.  It hit the floor with a crash, and then shattered!  Here is what it looked like:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As you can see, I destroyed it. And, I clawed Mom’s hand when she tried to stop me from falling. I knew she wasn’t happy about that.  So, I did what any cat does when they know they’re in Big Trouble.  I hid under the bed, and waited for her to start yelling.  I couldn’t believe what happened next.  Mom started to laugh.  Then she said in a nice voice, “Grace, you can come out of there.  It was an accident.  It’s not your fault.  I’m not mad at you!”

I thought, Yeah, right.  You’re just trying to trick me so that I’ll come out.  Then, you’ll scruff me!  So, I remained under the bed while she cleaned up the mess.

Then she stated, “Grace, I meant what I said.  You are not in trouble.  Accidents happen!”

I still didn’t believe her, but I figured I might as well get my punishment over with.  So, I slinked out from under the bed, and waited for her to get me.  Well, cats—there was no punishment.  Mom looked me over and made sure I was OK.  Then she petted me and played with me.

I was and am in shock.  Mom has never been this nice to me before.  So, I think that she has gone crazy! Cats, what do you think?  Did she mean what she said, or has she lost her mind?  Please let me know.  I am really worried over here!

Our Computer Is Fixed

Hi cats. I’m happy to report that we are up and running on our home computer again. So, here I am! And, Mom is no longer a crazed maniac. However, she did have a hard time fixing it. Here is an excerpt from one of the many long conversations that she had with the people who made our computer:

Mom: I have to re-install Windows, and all of my data?!
Computer Person: Yes.
Mom: Can I shoot the computer?
Computer Person: Ma’am that would void your warranty.

As you can see, Mom went nuts was very upset. I’m glad that’s over with. Best of all, she is paying attention to me again—when she’s not applying Neosporin to the mysterious claw mark cut on her finger. I’ve got to go, though. Trixie’s at the window, and I want to hear all of the latest gossip news about what’s been going on with the cats in our neighborhood. Type to you later, cats!

Help! We’re Having Computer Problems

Hi cats.  I’m typing this to let you know that I may not post for a few days because Mom and I are having computer problems.  This started when Mom had trouble getting the computer to boot up.  That led to her making a phone call to the people who made our computer.  The person on the phone worked on our computer for an hour.  However, all that they did was make it worse.  So, Mom has to call them again.  I hope that she gets someone who knows what they are doing this time.  Then, I’ll be able to write my blog, and Mom will be able to work on the computer when I’m not using it.

In the meantime, please pray for me cats.  I am dealing with a Mom who is a crazed maniac! She is so obsessed with how the computer is doing that when she got home tonight, she asked the computer how it was doing before even looking at me. That is unfair.  I should be more important to her than a miserable machine that seems bent on self-destruction!  If she keeps this up, she may find some mysterious claw marks on her when she wakes up tomorrow.  Or, I’ll throw up on her shoes!

I’ve got to go, though.  She’s looking at me and I don’t want her to see what I just typed.  Type to you later, cats (I hope!)