How To Drive Your Human/s Crazy
Note: I have included counter moves that your humans may make, and how you should respond to them.
1. Run around the house like a manic. This is especially effective after midnight. Possible human counter move: They may throw something at you. Be ready to take evasive action.
2. If your human/s ignore you, hide! Then, no matter how much they call out for you, ignore them for at least a couple of hours. That will teach them how much they love you since they’ll think you ran away. Possible human counter move: They may take you to the vet to be micro-chipped! You may need to hide again.
3. Sing to them. Humans love it when you yowl, howl or in general make noise after midnight. So, sing away! Possible human counter move: They may yell at you. Don’t worry about that. They’re just jealous of your beautiful singing voice.
4. Hide their things. This is especially effective with those things they put on their face called glasses. Then, if they ask you where they are, look innocent. Possible human counter move: They may figure out what you are up to. If so, use one of the other techniques on this list.
5. Lay directly between them and the book/computer keyboard, etc. that they are trying to read/type on. Possible human counter move: They may get rude and shove you off of their laps/keyboard. If they do that, just jump up and reposition yourself.
6. Kick litter out of your box. Humans love to walk in gravel. Possible human counter move: They may yell at you, or be upset with you. If so, give them your best “sad” look. Hopefully, they will stop bugging you. If not, take evasive action.
7. Drop an object into their printer which will cause the printer to jam. Then, enjoy watching them try to use their now malfunctioning printer! Possible human counter move: They may ask you ‘_______ what happened to the printer.’ If they do this, just give them your best, “Who me?” look.
8. Look out of the window and yowl loudly. Try to sound as much like a human baby as you can. They will probably run to you and ask you what’s wrong. When they do that, give them a sad look, walk away, and yowl again. Then, watch them go nuts as they try to figure out what’s going on outside that’s upsetting you. Possible human counter move: They may yell at you when they see that nothing is wrong outside. If they do that, just give them another sad look and walk away. Then they’ll feel guilty.
9. Go into a closet and make loud noises. Your humans will always come running to see what you’re up to. Before they come, try to put things back the way they were before you
destroyed re-arranged them. That really confuses them! Possible human counter move: They may try to keep the door of the closet locked so that you can’t get into it. If they do that, just claw at the closet door until they unlock it.
10. Decide to start a cat blog. Then, watch your human/s go crazy as they try to work with HTML and WordPress software. Possible human counter move: They may do crazy things like scream at the computer, or even threaten to throw it out the window. If they get that upset, do whatever it takes to calm them down. If you don’t, they may kill the computer—which will be the end of your blog!
OK everyone. Now it’s your turn. How do you drive your humans crazy, and what do they do when you do these things? Please let me know. I’m always looking for new techniques!