Choosing Your Human

Before you can train a human, you will have to choose one to live with. Choosing the human/s that you will live with is the most important decision that a cat will make.  It is something only you can decide.  You may like a household that is full of people and other animals.  Or, if you are like me, you may prefer a household that has only one human, and is quiet.  Perhaps you’d like something in between. Once you have decided what you want, pray!  Ask God to help you find the right home, at the right time, under the right conditions.

After you’ve prayed, do your part.  If the shelter or home that you are living in takes digital pictures of the cats they are trying to adopt out, make sure that you look your best in the picture they take of you. That may attract humans who like how you look in the picture.  Here is my patented “cute” pose.  You’ll probably find your own:

Once the humans are visiting you, use your instincts.  If a human, or a member of a human family that comes to see you scares you, you will not be happy in their home.  So, don’t settle with living with them, even though you may be desperate for a home of your own.  It is better to stay where you are at than to live in a house of terror! As a former “stray” cat, I can tell you that even the streets are better than an unhappy home.

     Now, I am going to give you some specific suggestions on what to do  if you like, or dislike, the humans who think they are “looking you over.”

If you like them, then:

1. Rub up against them and purr your loudest purr.
2. Let out your most winning “Meow.”  Then give them your best “please adopt me” sad look.
3. If they go to look at another cat, cry!  That will make both make them feel guilty and cause them to look at you again.
4. If there are children present with their parents, give them tons of attention.  That will cause them to nag their parents until they adopt you.
5. If they choose to leave the shelter/home where you are at, look deeply into their eyes with a look of betrayal.  That may make them feel guilty, which means that they could come back and adopt you.

If you don’t like them, then:

  1. Act mean.  Growl and hiss at them.  Make the strangest, craziest noises that you can make.
  2. Bare your fangs and swipe at them.  Don’t actually claw them, though.  That could get you into big trouble—especially if you claw a child!
  3.  Another helpful trick is to shrink back in your cage and turn your back on them.  Hopefully they’ll take the hint.
  4. Drooling and acting sick also can be effective.  And, throwing up on them is a great way to discourage them.
  5. I know this is gross, but poop outside of your litter box.  That will make the humans think you have “litter box issues”.  Then, they won’t take you home.
  6. If, in spite of all you do, the unwanted humans take you home, do all of the above at their house.  They probably will decide to take you back to the shelter because you’re a “bad match” for their family.

Hopefully, these techniques will help you to find the home of your dreams, or to help you to get out of an unhappy one.  If you haven’t been chosen yet, don’t worry.  God has a Plan for you.  So, you will find the right human.  Until then, please don’t settle for the wrong one!

OK, cats.  Now, I’d like to hear from you.  How did you choose your human?  Also, how did you scare off the ones you didn’t want?   Please let me know.  You will be doing a service to cats everywhere by posting!



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