Help! Mimi Is Driving Me Crazy!

Hi cats.  How are you?  I hope that all is well with you, and that you have your human/s under control.

This post is to update you on everything that is going on in my neighborhood.   First, Herb is missing! We haven’t seen him since he got into a big fight with Mimi about two weeks ago.  I didn’t hear the whole fight, but I did see him run away from Mimi after she screamed, “Herb, I don’t care if male cats don’t help with the kittens. You are helping me to raise these babies!”  I think that he’s hiding from her, but I’m worried that something bad may have happened to him.  Simone the Stealth Cat and some of her mysterious friends have been looking for him, but so far they haven’t found him.

Second, Mimi is driving me crazy!  Now in case you haven’t been reading my latest posts, Mimi is the cat I used to call, “That Hussy”.  I was very angry when I found out that she was having Herb’s kittens since I thought that Herb had fallen in love with me. I ended up feeling sorry for her after I remembered what it was like when I was pregnant and alone.  So, I am trying to help her.

This is not an easy thing to do, though.  That cat is constantly asking me questions about what will happen when she has her kittens.  I’ve already told her everything that she needs to know, but it’s like she forgets what I said and asks me the same questions over and over again.  And, Mimi is eating everything in sight!  Now, I know that’s normal since she’s eating for both herself and her kittens.  However, I wonder if there will be a bird or squirrel left alive in our neighborhood by the time her pregnancy ends in about ten days!

Worst of all, I have to put up with her mood swings.  That cat goes from thanking me for all I’m doing for her to screaming at me for not answering her pregnancy questions fast enough.  I’ll be so glad when this is over—

Oh!  Angelina and Simone are at the window.  I’m glad that they are here.  Maybe they can help me deal with this crazy cat.  Before I go, though, I’d like to ask all of you to pray for my Mom’s friend’s cat, Timmy.  He is in the hospital.  I know that I’ll pray for him because he’s a good looking boy-cat.  And, if you wish, please pray that I don’t kill that Mimi.  Thanks!

Mom Had Her Hair Killed!

Hi cats.  I was going to post about our Council of Cats, but we haven’t had it yet.  However, I have to show you this.  Mom paid to have her hair killed today.  She calls it “getting her hair cut”.  I call it “getting her hair killed”.  Here is how her hair looked before she had it killed cut:

Now, here is how her hair looks after she got what she calls a “haircut”:

As you can see, there is hardly any of her hair left for me to snuggle into.  So, I don’t care if she thinks she got her hair cut.  I know that she got her hair killed!

Now, it’s your turn cats.  Do you think my Mom had her hair cut or killed?  Please post.  I can hardly wait to see what you think of what she calls her “new look”.

Thanks!

Grace

Help! My Mom’s Job Search Is Driving Her Crazy!

Hi cats. I am going to have to make this a quick post because my Mom has been hogging the computer.  She is searching for a new job, and this process is driving her crazy!  I am really worried about her.  Here a just a few of the things that she’s done so far:

  • Screaming things like, “What is wrong with this idiotic software?  I can’t even upload my resume!” and, “How could anyone live on this salary?!”
  • Almost killing our computer by accidentally pulling its plug out while trying to find the thingy that tells her whether or not she’s typing in caps.
  • Growling at the computer as she takes what she calls “Psych Tests”.

Well, you get the idea.  She is not in good shape.  So, if you wish, please pray for her cats.  She needs it!  I have to go, though.  We are going to have a Council of Cats about how to help Mimi and her kittens.  I’ll tell you more about that in my next post.

She Got Me Again!

Hello cats.  Guess who took me to the torturer veterinarian again? My Mom.  Would you believe she grabbed me while I was sleeping, wrapped me into a towel, and shoved me into that horrible thing known as a cat carrier?  Here is a picture of me in that torture chamber:

After a horrible car ride, during which I yowled as loudly as I could so that woman would turn around, I arrived at the veterinarian’s office.  As you can see, I was ready to claw his face off:

 

Sadly, I didn’t get a chance to do that.  Before I could lift a claw to him, he managed to give me two shots. Once he did that, I ran back into the carrier to get into a better defensive position.  Sadly, he walked away, so I never got to claw him. So, after another scary car ride, I got home.  Then, that woman finally gave me some salmon, which I enjoyed:

However, I do plan on punishing my Mom for what she did to me.  Right now, though, I am hiding under the bed so that she can’t get me again.  Type to you later, cats! Oh, and thank you to the nice programmers at superlame.com for helping me to express my thoughts!

Now I’m On That Hussy’s—OOPS Mimi’s Side Too

Hi cats.  I am sorry that I didn’t post sooner.  I was so furious with That Hussy and Herb that I spent all of my time glaring at them out of the window like this:

 

 

 

 

 

 

At first, that felt good.  However, I got lonely because no one was talking to me.  My friends even hissed,“Meanie!” at me.  I didn’t like that.  So, I prayed, God, this isn’t fair.  That Hussy has everyone feeling sorry for her when she stole my boyfriend.  Could you please help me get revenge on her, and that Herb too?

All I heard was silence.  So, I added, Oh, all right, God.  I won’t do anything real bad to her because I don’t want to hurt her kittens Just let me give her one good claw in the face!

Again, there was silence.  Then, a still small Voice said; Remember what it was like when you were pregnant and living outside, Grace?

After He said that, I had no choice but to remember a part of my life that I’d hoped to forget forever. So, I remembered what it was like when I was expecting kittens and living on the street.  I remember trying to eat as much as possible so that my kittens would be born healthy.  That was hard, though, since there wasn’t much food available outside.  I begged God to help me back then—and he did, because I managed to keep myself and my unborn kittens alive.

Worst of all, I remembered how mean all of the cats in my old neighborhood were to me.  They called me bad names and hissed at me.  And, the girl-cat whose boyfriend I stole threatened to kill me.  I was terrified when she said that. Thankfully, her friends talked her out of doing that.  None of them ever helped me, though.  I ended up having my kittens alone by a dumpster.  That was the worst day of my life.

Suddenly, a cat’s cry interrupted my memories.  It was That Hussy Mimi. She was crying bitterly.  As she cried, she sobbed, “How will I ever get enough food so that my kittens are born healthy?  And, where is that Herb?  He said he loved me, but now he’s gone.  Now what will I do?”

After what I remembered, I knew what I had to do.  So, I went to my window and gave Mimi a crash course on how to survive being outside and pregnant.  Here is a picture of me doing that.  You can’t see Mimi because she’s by the dumpster:

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m glad I did this because all of my friends are talking to me again.  Angelina even said that she is proud of me.  And, I thought I heard a Voice say Good girl.  That made me purr.  I have to go, though.  This has been a long post, and my paws are tired.  Type to you later, cats!

Everyone’s On Herb and That Hussy’s Side!

Hi cats.  How are you?  I hope that your lives are going better than mine.

After I typed my last post, I went to the window to see what Angelina wanted.  Once I got there, I saw that Simone the Stealth Cat was with her.  I was happy to see both of them—especially Simone.  She is great at sneaking around.  So, I figured Angelina brought her over so that she could help me to sneak out of the house.  So, I said, “Hi Angelina and Simone.  I’m so glad that both of you are here.  Now, will you tell me how you two will get me out of this house so that I can give Herb and That Hussy the clawing they deserve?”

There was a long silence.  Then, Angelina looked at me and said, “That’s not why we are here.  We came to talk to you about how mean you have been to Mimi—her name is Mimi, not ‘That Hussy’—and Herb.”

“I wasn’t mean,” I replied.  “Both of you saw how Herb made me think he was in love with me, while knowing That Hussy was going to have his kittens.  That’s wrong.  Now, I want you to sneak me out of this house—now!”

“That’s not going to happen,” Simone stated. “I don’t use my stealth skills to help cats get revenge on each other.  And, I know that Herb never told you that he loved you.  I think that you came up with that idea yourself—“

“He acted like he was in love with me!  He was at my house every day.  So, he led me on,” I interrupted.

Simone let out a deep sigh.  Then she said, “Maybe Herb did lead you on a little bit.  But, what about Mimi?  She is homeless and is expecting kittens.  Have you forgotten what that feels like?  I read your blog, so I know that happened to you.  Can you turn your back on her when you know exactly what she’s going through?”

“That was different,” I screamed.  “I was only five months old when I got pregnant.  Herb and Mimi are a lot older, so they should know better!”

Both of them looked at me and shook their heads.  Then Angelina said, “Yeah, like you knew better, Grace?  I remember when you told me about how all of the female cats in your old neighborhood treated you like dirt when you got pregnant.  And, you even bragged about how you stole another cat’s boyfriend while you were in heat.  So, who are you to judge?”

After Angelina said that, I lost it, cats.  I screamed, “I don’t want to hear another thing that either of you have to say!  If you’re on her side, you’re not my friends anymore.  Now get out of here!”  Then, I jumped at the window to get them. Sadly, all I did was knock myself in the head again.  They did leave, though, after they’d hissed at me and told me that they hoped I’d enjoy being alone.

Well, so far, I am enjoying being alone.  The only thing that I’m upset about is that I can’t find a way to sneak out of this house and get Miss Mimi and Herb.  So, I need your help, cats.  If any of you have gotten out of the house successfully, please tell me how you did that.  Then, I can get my revenge.  Thanks!

I’m Going to Kill Herb and That Hussy Too!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hi cats.  As you can see, I am upset.  In fact, I am going to kill Herb and that Hussy too!  I wish I could delete my last post, but the cats who know something about the Internet told me that it’s already cached in Google or something.  So, I guess the whole world will know how stupid I was about Herb.

This is what happened, cats.  After Herb told me he wanted to talk to me, I ran to the window.  I was sure that he was going to propose to me.  I even was planning ways of sneaking him into our house when Mom wasn’t home.  So, after I fluffed up my fur, and adjusted my beautiful red collar just right, I ran to the window and asked Herb what he wanted to tell me.  Here is what happened after that:

Herb hung his head and said, “Grace, I have to tell you about something.  Please promise me that you won’t flip out.”

I looked at Herb and asked, “What do you mean Herb?”  Then, I fluffed my fur again, and waited for him to propose.  I figured that he was just being shy or something.  I did notice that a lot of my friends were watching from the other side of our block. I thought, They must want to watch Herb propose to me.

Herb continued, “Grace, I think I’m just going to have to yowl this out.  I can’t see you anymore because Mimi is having my kittens!”

I screamed, “What?!  Herb, if this is a joke, it’s not funny.  And, who in the world is ‘Mimi’?!”

Herb pointed to an area by the dumpster to a cat whose face I knew too well.  It was That Hussy!  Now, in case you are new to my blog, here is a link to my first post about her, and another link to a post when I told everyone what was new about her and my other friends.  Double-claw one or both of them to find out more about Herb or That Hussy. They will also tell you more about all of my secret friends in my neighborhood:

http://graciesblog.com/home/2011/10/21/the-cats-outside-of-my-window

http://graciesblog.com/home/2012/04/22/whats-been-going-on-in-my-neighborhood

Now, all of you know that she is a hussy who has been stalking Herb for a long time.  I took a long look at her and saw that—well—that she really is expecting kittens.  I screamed, “You are a miserable two-timer, Herb!  How dare you make me think that you were in love with me when you were having an affair with her?!”

Herb looked ashamed.  Then he said, “Grace, I just enjoyed talking to you.  However, I was in heat, and so was Mimi, so one thing led to the other and now she’s having my kittens.  I still see you as a friend, so I hope you can be happy for us.”

After Herb said that, I let out a growl that scared me.  Then, I jumped at the window intending to end his cheating days forever.  Sadly, all that I did was give myself a good knock in the head.  As I did that, I screamed, “Get away from my window you miserable cheater.  I never want to talk to you again!”  Herb was smart enough to run away, and That Hussy hid under the dumpster as I continued to growl and jump at them.  And, my friends who were watching hid under any car they could find.

I haven’t seen either of them since which is fine with me since I hate them both.  All I can say is that I will never trust another male cat again.  And, I am still plotting ways of sneaking out of this house and making both of them very sorry for what they did.  I’ve got to go, though.  Angelina is at the window, and she just said that she needs to talk to me.   I hope that she can help me to get out of this house and get revenge on those cats.  Type to you later, cats!

Herb Has Fallen in Love with Me!

Hi cats.  How are you?  I hope all is well with you and that your humans are under your control.

I haven’t posted because, well . . . how can I say this?  OK, I’ll just meow it out:  I think that Herb has fallen in love with me!

Now, in case you are new to this blog, Herb is the best-looking male cat in our neighborhood.  He has beautiful ebony fur like mine, golden eyes, and a great personality.  In earlier posts, I said that I laughed when Herb flirted with me, and I did. That’s because he flirted with every girl-cat in our neighborhood.  However, he has changed, and it seems like he only has eyes for me.

I first noticed that Herb was acting differently when I noticed that he was being very friendly with me.  Before I knew it, he was constantly at my window, and was talking to me a lot. Even better, he kept telling me how pretty I looked. There were nights that we talked until the sun came up.  And, I noticed wasn’t flirting with any of the girl-cats in our neighborhood any more.

However, after Herb tried to kiss me through the window last night, I knew that things had changed.  So, I’m pretty sure that he’s fallen in love with me.  I’m glad that he finally sees that I am the prettiest girl-cat around. Here is a picture of me in my beautiful new collar to show you how pretty I am:

As you can see, I am looking good.  That’s why I have Herb’s undivided attention.  And, after all that’s happened, I think that he may even want to marry me or something.  We cats usually don’t do that, but there’s always a first time for everything.  I haven’t seen Herb for the last couple of days, though.  I wonder if he’s trying to get the courage to pop the question. Oh!  Herb is at my window again. And, he just said, “Uh, Grace . . . I need to talk to you.” I’ve never seen him this shy. I wonder if he’s going to propose to me? I’ve got to go and find out, cats.  I will tell you about everything that happens in my next post!

Blinds Are Made for Breaking!

Hello, everyone.  I just want to show you a recent altercation between me and my Mom in three pictures.  First here is a picture of our kitchen blinds after I’d spent weeks making them the way I like them:

 

 

 

 

 

 

As you can see, they were perfect.  However, Mom has this crazy idea called “privacy”, so she was not happy about what I did to the blinds.  Thankfully, she thinks she broke them like this second picture shows before she could blame me for the shape that the blinds were in:

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well, at least she thinks she broke them, and I am not about to tell her any differently.  So, she paid our landlord to install a new pair of blinds.  This third picture shows how she likes the blinds:

 

 

 

 

 

 

I know, this is boring.  I mean, how does she expect me to protect our home when I can’t see outside?  And, doesn’t she care that I can’t see what my friends are doing?  This is unfair.  So, I will re-adjust these blinds soon.  I’ve got to go, though.  She is walking toward the computer, and I don’t want her to know what I’ve been up to.  Type to you later, cats!

The Stray: Part Two

I’m back, cats.  Angelina just came over to say, “Hi.”  However, trying to guard our home from Mom’s potential suitors, and other cats who want to come to live with us, has kept me busy.

OK, back to the story of the Stray.  I had to put up with my Mom worrying about that cat until she left to go out with some friends.  And, when the Stray saw that my Mom was gone, it stopped talking to me.  But then, it did something crazy—it headed over to our neighbor with the big dog’s house!  So, I yelled, “Don’t go over there!  You’ll get killed.  That dog is mean!”

The Stray gave me a dirty look.  Then it said, “I can go wherever I want to.  Maybe those people will take me in.  I need a home, and you’ve made very clear that you don’t want to share your home with me!”

I felt about two inches tall when the Stray said that to me.  And I felt even worse when my friends across the street yowled, “Grace, we can’t believe that you are so selfish.  If that kitten gets killed, it’ll be your fault!”  So, I told the Stray, “Look, if you stay by my house, I’ll see what I can do.  Now, you are not moving in here.  But, maybe my Mom can put you in a cage outside of the apartment or something.”

The Stray ignored me, and continued to walk toward our neighbor’s home, as their scary dog barked at it.  It even told the dog, “I don’t care how mean you are. I’ve got claws, and I know how to use them.  So, get ready for a new housemate!”  The dog looked ready to kill the kitten after it said that.  So, my friends and I distracted it by yowling at it.  It got so busy trying to attack us that it forgot about the kitten.  And, that manipulative cat got one of our neighbor’s children to feel sorry for it.  So, everyone in that house tried to help the Stray while protecting it from their dog.  I figured that my job was done, and went to sleep.

I woke up when Mom came home.  She greeted me, and then grabbed a baggie and stuffed it with my food.  Then, I watched her knock on our neighbor’s door and give them my food so that the “poor kitten wouldn’t starve.”  I didn’t like her giving my food away.  However, I was happy that the Stray was no longer trying to get into my home.  So, I let her get away with that.  After that, both of us went to sleep.

The next day, both Mom and I looked out of the window.  We both got scared when we saw that the Stray was gone.  Mom tried to find out what happened.  She discovered that a couple in a car had asked if the kitten had a home.  Then, they said they’d take it to Animal Control.  Now, I didn’t like the Stray, but I don’t wish Animal Control on any cat.  So, I prayed, OK, God.  You win.  If that cat comes back, it can stay with us—but could you please let it stay outside of our apartment in a cage?  I heard a heavenly sigh, so I added, Oh, all right, God.  It can stay here! I think I heard Him say, Good girl.  I was happy when He said that, although I was still not thrilled about the idea of sharing my home.

However, Mom and I never saw the Stray again.  I have a feeling that it’s OK, though.  That cat could make the Animal Control people take it home.  And, Mom found a dead bird right by the entrance of our apartment last week.  I’m pretty sure that it was a thank-you present from the Stray to Mom for feeding it.  So, I’m happy that the Stray is OK, and I’m even happier that I don’t have to share my home with it.  Type to you later, cats!