It’s 9:30 AM and I’m Already in Trouble!

I'm in Trouble---Again

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hi cats. You are not going to believe this, but it’s only 9:30 AM human time, and I’m already in trouble! I know I’m posting this later, but that’s the time when the events described in this post actually happened. This problem started when that woman and I were curled up on the pillow and having a nice snuggie. Here what she said and I thought as this situation developed:

Mom: Come here Gracie. We can have a nice snuggie!

Me: Oh all right, if that’s what makes you happy. I’ll jump up on the pillow with you. Here I am!

Mom: Let me rub your belly . . .

Me: Ahhh—yes! That feels good. Now scratch my back. OK, now scratch me behind my ears. Thanks! Purr, purr, purr . . .

Mom: You’re my good girl, and I love you . . . z, Z—

Our state of bliss was interrupted by a loud BAM! BAM! BAM! at the door. I knew it was a stranger so I quickly took evasive action. Unfortunately, I was in such a hurry that I clawed my Mom’s finger. She yelled, “Bad cat!” Then, she answered the door.

The person knocking was the FedEx guy. He said, “I have a package here for Grace E. Catt. Yes, Grace E. Catt . . .” Then, he looked at my Mom like she was crazy when she opened the door, especially when she said, “Do you want me to sign as Grace E. Catt?” He told her, “No. You are the person answering the door. Sign as yourself!”

Me: (while under the bed) Yes! It’s the treats I’m supposed to review from chewy.com. This is going to be a great day!

Mom: (after the FedEx guy left, and I came out from under the bed to get my treats apologize to her) Bad cat! You don’t claw Momma—ever! You can forget about getting those treats today.”  After saying that she scruffed me!

Me: Mom, you have to sleep sometime, and then I’ll get you for scruffing me. Now—give me my treats! OW! You didn’t have to scruff me again!

This is so unfair, cats! I mean, I barely scratched her. Here is a picture of her “injury”:

Mom?  I Barely Scratched You!

Mom? I Barely Scratched You!

 

 

 

 

 

 

As you can see, she was not hurt badly. Also, it’s not my fault that her finger was in the way of my escape from stranger danger. This is not fair, and I’m mad! However, I will pretend that I am sorry for what I did until she gives me my treats. Then, I’ll get her when she least expects it. I’ll tell you what happened and/or review the treats in my next post. Also, I will post about the construction destruction, after I get my treats. Bye for now, cats.

I’m Going to KILL that Mom of mine!

Hello, cats. I know that I said that I’d post about my friends in the neighborhood. However, my Mom did such a horrible thing to me yesterday that I just had to post about it!

Yesterday, I knew the day was not going to be good when I heard a knock on the door. I do not like strangers, so I took evasive action by hiding under the bed. The male human that was knocking said he was here to set up our new phone and Internet service. However, I noticed that he was checking out my Mom more than the phones or computer that he was supposed to set up. So, I rustled under the bed just to let him know that I was there, and that if he even touched my Mom, I’d claw his eyes out. He chuckled and said, “Oh, my cat hides too.” Mom smiled at him and said, “Oh, then you know what it’s like.” I think that man just said that to get my Mom interested in him. I’ll bet he doesn’t even have a cat!

Next, my Mom did something that shocked me. After saying, “I’ve got to go and do the laundry. I’ll be right back,” she walked out of the door, and left me alone in the house with a stranger!  I was terrified because that man could have been a psycho cat killer in a phone guy uniform. So, I stayed under the bed while plotting ways that I would claw his eyes out if he tried to hurt me.

Thankfully, that didn’t happen. However, I am furious about this—especially since my Mom kept leaving me alone with that man so that she could “finish her laundry.” I mean, what is more important to her—her clothes or her cat? After two hours of horror, that man finally left. That gave me plenty of time to figure out ways to punish her. Here are just a few of the things that I’ve done to her so far:

  • I left a nasty surprise for her in front of my litter box. Sadly, she didn’t step in it.
  • I threw a ball at her at 5:00 A.M hoping to leave a bruise. She thought I was playing with her. I wasn’t.
  • I am tearing up the closet right now. She just yelled at me, so I’ll stop—for now.

I have other things that I’m planning to do to her, like clawing up her clothes when she goes to sleep tonight. Right now, though, I’m going to be very nice to her so that she doesn’t know what I’m up to. I’ll be checking this blog after she goes to sleep, so if any of you cats have ideas about other ways that I can punish her please post. Thanks!

The Medicine Wars Part One

Hello, cats.  I’m here to report that my Mom has turned into a cat torturer.  Cats, she is squirting medicine down my throat.  Words cannot express how unhappy I am with what she’s doing.  Well actually they could, but this is a family blog.  All I will say is that I am doing everything I can to discourage her from her attempts to put any type of medicine in or on me. I am hiding under the bed.  I am spitting out the medicine she gives me when she’s not looking.  And, most importantly, I am plotting revenge so that she will never do this to me again!

I will post more about this topic later.  Right now, I am going to sharpen my claws so that I am ready for her next attempt to give me medicine.  Until then, if you have any ideas on how to stop her from doing this, please post.  Thanks!

The Vet Visit

Hello, cats.  I am going to tell you the story of yet another horrible visit to the person who that woman calls the veterinarian (vet), and I call the cat torturer, in words and pictures.  This whole nightmare started when Mom found out I had red bumps behind my ears that were bleeding.  So, she decided to take me to the vet.  Here I am right after she captured me:

 

 

 

 

 

 

As you can see, I was not happy.  After this picture was taken, I had to endure two horrible things:  Mom’s driving, and her singing to me as she did that.  Yowwwl!  After that, we arrived at the vet’s office.  Here is a picture of me before that torturer came into the room:

 

 

 

 

 

 

What happened next was so horrible that I’ll just tell you about it.  That man squeezed the already sore spots behind my ears. That hurt!  Then he told Mom that he “strongly suspected a spider bite.”  After that, he gave Mom some medicine to give me.  Then, I was back in the carrier and had to endure yet another drive with Mom as she sang to me—again.  This is how I felt about that:

 

 

 

 

 

 

We finally arrived home, where I had another unpleasant surprise waiting for me.  Mom actually gave me the foul-tasting medicine that the vet gave her.  I plan on stopping that.  Until then, this picture shows exactly how I feel about this whole matter:

Angrily,

Grace who is going to get the vet and my Mom too!

I’m Going to Kill Herb and That Hussy Too!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hi cats.  As you can see, I am upset.  In fact, I am going to kill Herb and that Hussy too!  I wish I could delete my last post, but the cats who know something about the Internet told me that it’s already cached in Google or something.  So, I guess the whole world will know how stupid I was about Herb.

This is what happened, cats.  After Herb told me he wanted to talk to me, I ran to the window.  I was sure that he was going to propose to me.  I even was planning ways of sneaking him into our house when Mom wasn’t home.  So, after I fluffed up my fur, and adjusted my beautiful red collar just right, I ran to the window and asked Herb what he wanted to tell me.  Here is what happened after that:

Herb hung his head and said, “Grace, I have to tell you about something.  Please promise me that you won’t flip out.”

I looked at Herb and asked, “What do you mean Herb?”  Then, I fluffed my fur again, and waited for him to propose.  I figured that he was just being shy or something.  I did notice that a lot of my friends were watching from the other side of our block. I thought, They must want to watch Herb propose to me.

Herb continued, “Grace, I think I’m just going to have to yowl this out.  I can’t see you anymore because Mimi is having my kittens!”

I screamed, “What?!  Herb, if this is a joke, it’s not funny.  And, who in the world is ‘Mimi’?!”

Herb pointed to an area by the dumpster to a cat whose face I knew too well.  It was That Hussy!  Now, in case you are new to my blog, here is a link to my first post about her, and another link to a post when I told everyone what was new about her and my other friends.  Double-claw one or both of them to find out more about Herb or That Hussy. They will also tell you more about all of my secret friends in my neighborhood:

http://graciesblog.com/home/2011/10/21/the-cats-outside-of-my-window

http://graciesblog.com/home/2012/04/22/whats-been-going-on-in-my-neighborhood

Now, all of you know that she is a hussy who has been stalking Herb for a long time.  I took a long look at her and saw that—well—that she really is expecting kittens.  I screamed, “You are a miserable two-timer, Herb!  How dare you make me think that you were in love with me when you were having an affair with her?!”

Herb looked ashamed.  Then he said, “Grace, I just enjoyed talking to you.  However, I was in heat, and so was Mimi, so one thing led to the other and now she’s having my kittens.  I still see you as a friend, so I hope you can be happy for us.”

After Herb said that, I let out a growl that scared me.  Then, I jumped at the window intending to end his cheating days forever.  Sadly, all that I did was give myself a good knock in the head.  As I did that, I screamed, “Get away from my window you miserable cheater.  I never want to talk to you again!”  Herb was smart enough to run away, and That Hussy hid under the dumpster as I continued to growl and jump at them.  And, my friends who were watching hid under any car they could find.

I haven’t seen either of them since which is fine with me since I hate them both.  All I can say is that I will never trust another male cat again.  And, I am still plotting ways of sneaking out of this house and making both of them very sorry for what they did.  I’ve got to go, though.  Angelina is at the window, and she just said that she needs to talk to me.   I hope that she can help me to get out of this house and get revenge on those cats.  Type to you later, cats!

The Stray: Part One

The story of the cat I’ll call “The Stray” began about three weeks ago.  As I was doing my routine patrols of the windows, I heard a loud, high-pitched meow.  So, I ran to the window to investigate the situation.  I saw a kitten that I’d never seen before.  As soon as it saw me, it said, “Hey!  I need a home, and yours looks pretty good to me!  So, I am going to meow until your Mom sees me.  And then, I’ll get her to feel sorry for me.  After that, I’ll move in and take over your house!”

“Oh no you won’t,” I hissed back.  Then, I jumped at the window while yowling and growling at that cat.  I wanted to make sure that it knew that there was no way that that was going to happen. I’d almost scared it away when Mom woke up and said, “Grace, be quiet!  I am trying to sleep here.”  So, after I let out a few more blood-curdling yowls, I curled up with her and went to sleep.  I figured that the Stray would run away after I’d been so scary.

Unfortunately, I was wrong.  The Stray waited until it saw my Mom get up.  Then it meowed as loudly as it could.  At first, Mom was angry at it too.  So, she told me, “Grace, that cat is driving me crazy.  I’ll yell at it!”  I wanted to cheer when she said that.  However, after she opened the window, and saw that the Stray was a little kitten, she said, “Oh, you poor thing.  You’re just a baby.  You must be starving!”  Then, that woman had the nerve to look at me and say, “Grace, I can’t believe that you are threatened by a tiny kitten. It can’t do anything to hurt you, and it is probably scared to death.  Leave the poor thing alone!”

I wanted to scream when she said that.  However, I knew that wouldn’t help.  So, I pretended to ignore the Stray while my Mom was looking.  As soon as she wasn’t though, I hissed, “Stay away from my house, or you’ll get a face full of claws!”

“Oh no I won’t,” the Stray hissed back.  “Your Mom will take me in, and you will have to love me or get into big trouble!”

At that point, I pretended to ignore the Stray, until I could figure out a plan to get rid of it.  Before I could do that, though, Mom decided to do the laundry. So, I had to watch as the Stray meowed piteously at her as she walked to the laundry room. Next, I had to listen to my Mom talking nicely to the Stray.  I was about to jump through the window when she said, “I wish I could take you in, but I can’t.  You probably need vet care, and I can’t afford it.  I’m sorry!” as she walked back into our home.

I was very happy when my Mom said that.  I even thanked God that the Stray wasn’t going to get a home with us.  But then, that woman looked at me and said, “Grace, the least I can do is feed the poor thing. You have enough food for us to share it with that poor little kitten.”

I wanted to scream, “That ‘poor little kitten’ is a master manipulator!”  I knew that wouldn’t change her mind, though.  So, I had to watch her give the Stray my food.  Even worse, that manipulative kitten followed my Mom to our apartment door after she fed it.  It meowed sadly while it did that.  I was horrified, because I knew that I was one door-opening away from having to share my home! So, I prayed, God, help!  That cat is about to take over.  Please make it go away!

Things got quiet for a moment after I prayed.  Then, I heard Mom say words that were music to my ears, “Little one, I wish you could move in with us.  But, I can’t afford another cat right now.  I will pray for you, though!”  After that, my Mom walked the Stray out of the entrance door and closed the door on it.  After she did that, she walked into our apartment and said, “I feel like the worst person in the world for closing the door on that kitten.  Grace, let’s pray that someone takes it in.”

OK, as long as that someone isn’t you, I thought.

“I’ll get your Mom to take me in yet,” the Stray yowled. “I told you I’d get her to feel sorry for me!”

I ignored it.  I figured that this problem was over.  I was wrong.  That woman obsessed over that cat and then—

Oh!  Angelina’s at the window.  Something must be going on in our neighborhood!  I’ll tell you the rest of the story in my next post.  Bye for now, cats!

It’s Day Four without Catnip and I Am Not Happy!

Hello cats.  Today is Day Four without catnip, and I am not happy about that!  I would like to call the ASPCA, but I don’t have the energy to do that.  That’s because I have spent all of my waking hours looking for that toy with the catnip in it.  I haven’t found it, though.

And, my friends in the neighborhood are not helping me one bit!  Yesterday, I yowled out of the window, “Hey!  Do any of you have any catnip?  I’ll trade you my bird toy for it.”  All of them looked at me and shook their heads.  Then, Angelina had the nerve to say, “Grace, none of us are going to give you catnip.  We think you have a problem.”  When she said that, I flew at the window and tried to jump her.  Sadly, I couldn’t go through the glass, so I never got her. In fact, I almost knocked myself out.  However, I did manage to stalk away after I told her and all of those miserable cats that I will never speak to them again!

Right now, I am exhausted, so I am going to try to get some sleep.  I’m hoping that after I wake up, I’ll be able to track down that toy.  I’ll let you know what happens in my next post.  If you wish, please pray that I find it.  Thanks!

Mom Threw Out My Catnip!

Hi cats.  As you can see, I am back.  We got our computer back on Thursday, but I have been too upset to post.  That’s because Mom threw out my catnip!   This whole thing started when Mom wondered why I was enjoying one of my toys so much.  She took a look at it and discovered this:

 

 

 

 

 

 

When that woman saw this, she said, “Grace, it breaks my heart to take something away from you that you love.  I have to, though.  I don’t care what the Internet says.  I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to ingest a mind and mood altering drug.  You could get addicted to that catnip!”

No, I can’t.  Now give me that toy back—now!” I screamed at her.

Sadly, all she heard was, “Meow.”  So, she hid the toy from me.  However, I had another toy that she didn’t know about.  It was a little white mouse that was full of catnip.  I’d torn it open, but she didn’t know that I had done that.  So, I still had catnip.  And, I made sure I hid it from her.  However, one day, after I’d well . . . enjoyed the catnip . . . I made the mistake of leaving it in my food dish.  Mom said, “Oh, that’s so cute.  I guess you love that mouse, don’t you?”

I thought, Yes, I do.  Now leave it alone!

Sadly, she didn’t do that.  Instead, she took it out of my food dish and saw that I’d torn it open to get at the catnip inside.  I think you cats can guess what happened next.  She threw it out!

Cats, I cannot believe she did this.  I am ready to call the ASPCA and report her for throwing away toys that it took me weeks to claw open.  This is cruelty to animals!   Before I do that, though, I am going to go under the bed and get the toy that she forgot about that is full of catnip.  It may be hard, but I will find a way to get it open.  Then, I’ll have catnip again.  Now, I’m not doing this because I’m a catnip addict.  I’m going for that toy because . . . well because I really want to play with it.  And, I know that I’ll love the catnip really have fun with it.  But that doesn’t make me a catnip addict—does it?

I’m Getting Even with my Mom!

Hi cats.  How are you?  I hope that things are going better for you than they are for me!

Cats, would you believe that my Mom had the nerve to get out the evil vacuum cleaner?  Here is a picture of it in camouflage:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As you can see, it is big and it is scary.  That didn’t stop my Mom from using it, though.  She had that thing running for over a half hour.  And, that woman laughed when I hid under the bed from that murderous machine and said, “Oh come on, Grace.   You are being overdramatic.   The vacuum can’t hurt you as long as I’m running it.” I got mad when she said that.  What made me furious, though, was when she actually ran the vacuum cleaner under the bed where I was hiding!

Well, I’m not letting her get away with that, cats.  So, I just threw up in those things she calls house slippers.  I can hardly wait to see the expression on her face when she gets home and steps into them.  That will show her not to laugh at me.  And, hopefully it will cure her of using that vacuum—forever.  I’ll let you know what happens in my next post!

Sheba’s Made a Liar Out of Me!

Hi, cats.  How are you?  I hope all is well with you.  I haven’t posted for a while because I have been too upset to type.  That’s because Sheba’s made a liar out of me!  Here is what happened:

About two days after I posted about how mean Sheba was getting, Angelina came to my window.  When I saw her, I ran to the window and said, “Angelina, I’m so glad that you’re here.  Sheba has become a bully and I don’t know how to stop her!  She is tormenting the kittens.  What should we do about that?” I almost fainted when Angelina replied, “Grace, I didn’t want to believe Sheba when she told me you were making up stories about her.  But, now I see that it’s true!  How dare you lie about her?”

“Why don’t you ask Toby how he got the claw marks on his face?” I growled. (Toby is the name of the kitten that Sheba clawed in the face).

So, Angelina walked over to take a look at Toby.  And, I looked out of the window to see what Sheba was up to.  Well cats, that miserable Sheba was grooming him and giving him kisses.  You would have thought that he was her child.  However, I heard her hiss, “You’d better not tell on me or you’ll be sorry!” at him before Angelina got there.  So, poor Toby told Angelina that everything was OK, and that he’d gotten the claw mark on his face while climbing a tree.

Sadly, Angelina believed him.  So, she told me that she was not speaking to me until I apologized to Sheba and stopped lying about her.  I told her that wasn’t going to happen—ever.  So, after saying, “Well, then have fun on your own, Grace,” Angelina stalked away.

Of course as soon as Angelina was gone, Sheba started being mean again.  I don’t think that anyone will believe me though.  Sheba has convinced Angelina, and all of my friends that I am lying about her.  And, she’s very good at pretending to be nice to the kittens when Angelina, or any other cat in our neighborhood, is anywhere near our alley.  So, she has made a liar out me, and I don’t know what to do about that!

Cats, I need your help. If you have any ideas about how I can prove that Sheba is lying, please post!  I really need some advice. Thanks!