She Got Me—Again!

I am ashamed to type this but that Momma of mine got me—again! I thought that after the trauma I inflicted on her during our last visit to the torturer veterinarian, she’d never take me to him again. I was wrong. And, she was sneaky!

I knew something was up when she took out the cat carrier. And, when I heard her talking to one of her friends about my “needing my shots,” I took evasive action.  However, when nothing happened, I figured that she’d given up. So, I came out and was nice to her. Then, that woman did one of the sneakiest moves I’ve ever seen a human do. She took out a can of my favorite food, chicken and salmon dinner, and opened it. I should have known it was a trick. When I smelled that dinner though, my taste buds screamed, “Salmon and chicken. Yesss!” So, I ran and got the food.

Well, I think you cats can guess what happened next. As I was enjoying my treat, she grabbed me and shoved me into the cat carrier. And, off to the vet we went. I did everything that a cat can do to avoid a veterinarian encounter. I yowled. I cried. And, when we got into the examination room, I refused to leave the carrier. I clung to it so tightly that her efforts to get me out of it didn’t work. I even managed to cling to it when she held it upside-down and shook it. I thought she’d give up, but she didn’t. She and the vet managed to get me out of there. Then, it was torture time complete with shots! I was not happy.

Right now, I am biding my time. Also, I am eating the rest of that chicken and salmon dinner that she’s giving me for being such a “good girl.” I will pretend to be just that . . . for now. I know that she’ll have to go to sleep sometime! Then, she just might end up with a mysterious scratch or two on her arm. Right now, though, I’ve got to go. I hear the refrigerator opening. Type to you later, cats!

The Secret World Outside Of My Window

I am about to break every rule that cats have about not telling anyone about what is going on in their minds.  I will do that because, after all, this is a cat blog.  Also, I know that 99.9% of the humans who snoop . . .errr . . . visit here won’t think I’m real anyway. And those that do won’t admit to it because they know that their family, friends, etc., will think they’re nuts.  So,what do I have to lose? Nothing, that’s what.  It’s time to talk about the secret world outside of my window.  Mom can’t see it because she’s human, and cats and humans see things differently.  Let me show you what I mean.

Here is what Mom sees and thinks when she looks outside of the window:

There’s the same old tree.  Bo-ring.  And, it looks like all of the good parking spots are taken.  Dang!  Oh wait . . . I think I see one.  Maybe I should move the car! No, I don’t think I’ll do that.  That means I’d have to walk to where the car is now. And, I’ll have to parallel park.  No, I think I’ll keep my current spot. And that’s about it for her.

This is what I see and think when I look out of the window:

There’s the tree where all of the birds live.  I wish I could get out of this window and get at them. They’d be a great alternative to Purina!  Oh—and there are the squirrels.  Mmmmm!  I know they’d taste good.  Oh no! There’s that bad cat who’s about to talk trash to me again.  I’d like her to do that when there isn’t a pane of glass between us.  Excuse me for a minute: “YOWLHSSST!”  Oh good, I scared her away!  Oh, there’s Herb.  He’s nice cat, and good-looking too. Give me just a moment to talk to him so he doesn’t run away: “Hi Herb! Can you wait for a minute while I finish my blog entry?  Thanks!”

Well, you get the idea. We see things quite differently.  That’s good, because it allows me to have a secret life with the cats that she doesn’t know about.  I will be typing more about this in future posts. In the meantime, why don’t you tell me about the secret world outside of your window.  I’ll look forward to hearing from you.  In the meantime, I’m going to talk to that Herb!

Hee-Hee, I’m Driving Mom Crazy!

I am driving Mom crazy right now, and it’s fun.  She bought me two of the bird toys that used to drive me crazy when I was a kitten.  Then, she put one up in our cabinet, and left the other one out.  To be honest, these toys bore me.  That doesn’t stop her from trying to get me interested in them, though.  Tonight, I got to watch as she tried to switch out the bird toys to “get my interest.”  Well, what was got my interest was when she tried to switch them.  They got tangled up together.  Watching her attempting to untangle those bird toys was the most fun that I’ve had in weeks!   Then, I got to watch her flying the “new” bird around while talking to me.  I pretended to be interested, and then walked away.  Finally, she threw her hands up in the air and said, “Fine, Gracie.  You can have this bird,” as she laid it on my scratching cube.  Right now, I am lying on the bed trying to hide the fact that I’m laughing at her.  Uh-oh, she’s looking at me . . . gotta go!

Humans Eat Tapeworms to Lose Weight!

Yes, cats you read that right.  Some humans deliberately eat tapeworms in order to lose weight.  They call this, “The Tapeworm Diet.”  I call it plain insanity!

I first found out about this when Mom told me about a Tyra Show that she watched in the break room at work.  There were two women on the show.  Both of them felt they weighed too much and decided to eat tapeworms so that they’d lose weight.  Tyra and the other people on the show showed them that people get these worms from cow poop (yuck!).  Then she showed how cows are force-fed the worms so that they’ll produce more.  Then, the cows are killed so that these worms can be harvested for human consumption.

Next, a doctor came out on the show and explained what will happen to the humans who eat tapeworms. He told the women that they were risking their lives if they choose to go on this “diet”  Then, he and the show’s producers, showed a gross picture of a big tapeworm to show how big it gets inside of people!  Would you believe that these tapeworms can live for twenty years, and grow (the ones that are in beef, anyway!) up to twelve feet long?!  And, the tapeworms can split up inside of their intestines and turn into little caterpillar-like things that can crawl out of their nether regions and go down their legs.  Worst of all, they can spread throughout the humans’ bodies, and can get into their lungs or liver.  They can even go into their brains and cause seizures or insanity.

I know . . . this is disgusting.   However, I wanted you cats to know the depth of some humans’ insanity.  Even my Mom said that she thought that diet was a good idea “for a minute.”  I am glad that she knows the truth now.  We’ll pray for those humans who don’t, and for the poor cows that are being slaughtered in the name of human weight loss.

Oh, and a word to the tapeworm harvesters.   I strongly suggest you don’t ever try this with me or any other cat.  If you do, we will claw your arms off!

 

She Went Shopping and Bought Nothing for Me!

Hello cats.  I was going to post earlier about how lonely I was, but I fell asleep.  Mom had been gone for a long time. Then, she came home before I could get to the computer.  At first, all was well.  She looked guilty about being out for so long.  She said she was sorry, and then she snuggled me.  Best of all, I knew she’d been shopping because she’d brought in two large bags that smelled new.  I was so excited!  I could hardly wait to see what she’d gotten me.  So, I looked in the first bag.  It had a gift for one of her friends in it.  Still hopeful, I looked into the other bag.   Sadly, it was filled with clothes for her.  Then she modeled the clothes for me and said, “Look at these tops, Gracie.  Aren’t they cute?”

What I thought at that moment cannot be posted on a family website.  Let’s just say that I was very unhappy.  I expressed my displeasure by glaring at her and walking away.  I’m still angry though.  So, when she goes to sleep, I just might do a few clawterations on those clothes of hers!

Finally – a Chance to Blog!

Wow!  Mom has been so busy this week that I thought I’d never get a chance to blog. She was working long hours at work, so the computer was off and unplugged.  I hated that.  I didn’t have a chance to type anything.  That made me angry!  And, she was so busy running to and from work, washing her work clothes, and getting food to bring to work, that I thought that she’d forgotten about me. That scared me.  I even thought she might still be mad at me for clawing her.  So, I prayed, “God, what is going on here?!  My Mom is M.I.A.  Could you please tell why this is happening?!  It isn’t because I clawed her last week, is it?”

To my surprise I heard Him say, No, it’s not.  However, Grace, in order to understand this, you need to know about what she’s going through.”

Then, I got a picture in my head of Mom at work.  She was cashiering.  There were tons of people in line.  They kept coming at her—even when she needed a break.  A few of them were rude to her.  Some of the customers even stormed out of the store after they found out it was out of stock of what they wanted.   Even worse, one man even made her get him a heavy chair, put it back, and then decided that he didn’t want it after all.  That wasn’t fair!  So, I asked God, “God, why doesn’t she just claw them in the face?

He replied, Because then she’d go to jail.  Then where would you live?  And just in case you’re wondering why she’s working so much, here is a picture of her bank balance.

All I could say was, “Ohhhhh . . . I didn’t know it was like that.”  Then I shut up.  He is God after all!

After I saw what was going on, I supported her.  I was nice to her even though I felt ignored.  And, I noticed that she did take time to snuggle me and play with me even though she was exhausted.  I appreciated that.  I’m glad that things are back to normal, though.

I have to say that seeing what she goes through has made me very grateful that I am a cat.  I know that if I were human and had to do her job I’d either get fired or end up in jail.  So, I’m going to enjoy my privilege of being able to take catnaps whenever I want to and let her handle the bills.  I don’t need that kind of pressure in my life!

She Took me to the Vet!

I am going to kill that woman.  She took me to the vet.  There I was, having a peaceful catnap on our bed.  Before I knew what was happening, she had swooped me up and shoved me into the cat carrier.  I was not happy.  The only thing wrong with me was that I had a minor bump on the head.  There was no need to go to the torturer—err—-vet for that.  I tried to tell her I was OK, but she didn’t listen.  So there I was, trapped in the carrier:

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She took me to the car, and off we went.  I yowled at her during the entire journey there to make her turn around.  That didn’t work.  We still ended up at the vet’s. I was terrified!  I hate being caged up, and I don’t care for vets. After we arrived, I noticed there weren’t any other animals there.   I thought, Thank goodness.  There’s no other animals here.  This should be fast.

Well, I was wrong.  They put us in a room.  I knew what was coming next, so I used all of my claw power to stay in the carrier.  It didn’t work.  Would you believe that woman had the nerve to dump me out of the carrier?  Even worse, she forced me to allow the vet to examine me.  He told her what I already knew—-that I had a minor bump on my head that was harmless.  So, the entire trip was a waste of time and terror for me.  This picture shows exactly how I feel when I’m at the vet’s.

Here I am at the vet's!

Finally, after she got all of the paperwork for my insurance done, we went home.   I didn’t want to speak to her.  However, she put some salmon out.  Even though I was angry with her, I came out of hiding and ate it.  However, as the picture below shows, I did have the last claw word in this matter:

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I really hope that this settles the matter of my ever having to go to the vet again!

Grace

Momma and I Are Having a Good Day!

OK, cats.  I know that it is unusual for me to post about something good.  However, Mom and I are really having a good day.  She’s given me lots of belly rubs, and is making time to play with me.  Right now, I am brushing up against her leg for more attention while she’s working on my blog.  Oh wow . . .  she’s actually stopping what she’s doing and playing with me.  This is great!

There is only one thing that is bothering me.  She took down that torture device know as a cat carrier.  Could she be up to something?  I sure hope not!   If she is, though, I have many techniques to avoid being put into that miserable thing.  So, I’m not going to worry.  I’ve got to go, though.  I’m enjoying all of this love and attention.

Happily,

Grace

I’m Upset!

It is 11:23 P.M. and guess who just came home a little bit ago. Her.  That human of mine.  Would you believe it took her fifteen minutes to figure out that I ran out of food?  I am not happy with her right now.  So, I plan on doing some major sulking.  That may ensure that she never leaves me home alone without food again.  I don’t care if she had to work late.  This isn’t fair!

Angrily,

Grace

Momma Killed My Spider!

Right now, I am not happy with my human.  Besides not paying enough attention to me today, she killed my spider!  There I was on the kitchen floor with a large, juicy spider.  It was still alive.  I was about to kill it when Mom took it out of my claws and smashed it in a paper towel.  Then, she threw it out.   There went my snack, thanks to Mom the Spider Stealer.  Even worse, she treated herself to some chocolate ice cream after she’d destroyed my treat.  So, I am mad at her.  I’ve got to go, though.  I need to find another spider and not let you-know-who see it.