Everyone’s On Herb and That Hussy’s Side!

Hi cats.  How are you?  I hope that your lives are going better than mine.

After I typed my last post, I went to the window to see what Angelina wanted.  Once I got there, I saw that Simone the Stealth Cat was with her.  I was happy to see both of them—especially Simone.  She is great at sneaking around.  So, I figured Angelina brought her over so that she could help me to sneak out of the house.  So, I said, “Hi Angelina and Simone.  I’m so glad that both of you are here.  Now, will you tell me how you two will get me out of this house so that I can give Herb and That Hussy the clawing they deserve?”

There was a long silence.  Then, Angelina looked at me and said, “That’s not why we are here.  We came to talk to you about how mean you have been to Mimi—her name is Mimi, not ‘That Hussy’—and Herb.”

“I wasn’t mean,” I replied.  “Both of you saw how Herb made me think he was in love with me, while knowing That Hussy was going to have his kittens.  That’s wrong.  Now, I want you to sneak me out of this house—now!”

“That’s not going to happen,” Simone stated. “I don’t use my stealth skills to help cats get revenge on each other.  And, I know that Herb never told you that he loved you.  I think that you came up with that idea yourself—“

“He acted like he was in love with me!  He was at my house every day.  So, he led me on,” I interrupted.

Simone let out a deep sigh.  Then she said, “Maybe Herb did lead you on a little bit.  But, what about Mimi?  She is homeless and is expecting kittens.  Have you forgotten what that feels like?  I read your blog, so I know that happened to you.  Can you turn your back on her when you know exactly what she’s going through?”

“That was different,” I screamed.  “I was only five months old when I got pregnant.  Herb and Mimi are a lot older, so they should know better!”

Both of them looked at me and shook their heads.  Then Angelina said, “Yeah, like you knew better, Grace?  I remember when you told me about how all of the female cats in your old neighborhood treated you like dirt when you got pregnant.  And, you even bragged about how you stole another cat’s boyfriend while you were in heat.  So, who are you to judge?”

After Angelina said that, I lost it, cats.  I screamed, “I don’t want to hear another thing that either of you have to say!  If you’re on her side, you’re not my friends anymore.  Now get out of here!”  Then, I jumped at the window to get them. Sadly, all I did was knock myself in the head again.  They did leave, though, after they’d hissed at me and told me that they hoped I’d enjoy being alone.

Well, so far, I am enjoying being alone.  The only thing that I’m upset about is that I can’t find a way to sneak out of this house and get Miss Mimi and Herb.  So, I need your help, cats.  If any of you have gotten out of the house successfully, please tell me how you did that.  Then, I can get my revenge.  Thanks!

I’m Going to Kill Herb and That Hussy Too!







Hi cats.  As you can see, I am upset.  In fact, I am going to kill Herb and that Hussy too!  I wish I could delete my last post, but the cats who know something about the Internet told me that it’s already cached in Google or something.  So, I guess the whole world will know how stupid I was about Herb.

This is what happened, cats.  After Herb told me he wanted to talk to me, I ran to the window.  I was sure that he was going to propose to me.  I even was planning ways of sneaking him into our house when Mom wasn’t home.  So, after I fluffed up my fur, and adjusted my beautiful red collar just right, I ran to the window and asked Herb what he wanted to tell me.  Here is what happened after that:

Herb hung his head and said, “Grace, I have to tell you about something.  Please promise me that you won’t flip out.”

I looked at Herb and asked, “What do you mean Herb?”  Then, I fluffed my fur again, and waited for him to propose.  I figured that he was just being shy or something.  I did notice that a lot of my friends were watching from the other side of our block. I thought, They must want to watch Herb propose to me.

Herb continued, “Grace, I think I’m just going to have to yowl this out.  I can’t see you anymore because Mimi is having my kittens!”

I screamed, “What?!  Herb, if this is a joke, it’s not funny.  And, who in the world is ‘Mimi’?!”

Herb pointed to an area by the dumpster to a cat whose face I knew too well.  It was That Hussy!  Now, in case you are new to my blog, here is a link to my first post about her, and another link to a post when I told everyone what was new about her and my other friends.  Double-claw one or both of them to find out more about Herb or That Hussy. They will also tell you more about all of my secret friends in my neighborhood:



Now, all of you know that she is a hussy who has been stalking Herb for a long time.  I took a long look at her and saw that—well—that she really is expecting kittens.  I screamed, “You are a miserable two-timer, Herb!  How dare you make me think that you were in love with me when you were having an affair with her?!”

Herb looked ashamed.  Then he said, “Grace, I just enjoyed talking to you.  However, I was in heat, and so was Mimi, so one thing led to the other and now she’s having my kittens.  I still see you as a friend, so I hope you can be happy for us.”

After Herb said that, I let out a growl that scared me.  Then, I jumped at the window intending to end his cheating days forever.  Sadly, all that I did was give myself a good knock in the head.  As I did that, I screamed, “Get away from my window you miserable cheater.  I never want to talk to you again!”  Herb was smart enough to run away, and That Hussy hid under the dumpster as I continued to growl and jump at them.  And, my friends who were watching hid under any car they could find.

I haven’t seen either of them since which is fine with me since I hate them both.  All I can say is that I will never trust another male cat again.  And, I am still plotting ways of sneaking out of this house and making both of them very sorry for what they did.  I’ve got to go, though.  Angelina is at the window, and she just said that she needs to talk to me.   I hope that she can help me to get out of this house and get revenge on those cats.  Type to you later, cats!

The Stray: Part Two

I’m back, cats.  Angelina just came over to say, “Hi.”  However, trying to guard our home from Mom’s potential suitors, and other cats who want to come to live with us, has kept me busy.

OK, back to the story of the Stray.  I had to put up with my Mom worrying about that cat until she left to go out with some friends.  And, when the Stray saw that my Mom was gone, it stopped talking to me.  But then, it did something crazy—it headed over to our neighbor with the big dog’s house!  So, I yelled, “Don’t go over there!  You’ll get killed.  That dog is mean!”

The Stray gave me a dirty look.  Then it said, “I can go wherever I want to.  Maybe those people will take me in.  I need a home, and you’ve made very clear that you don’t want to share your home with me!”

I felt about two inches tall when the Stray said that to me.  And I felt even worse when my friends across the street yowled, “Grace, we can’t believe that you are so selfish.  If that kitten gets killed, it’ll be your fault!”  So, I told the Stray, “Look, if you stay by my house, I’ll see what I can do.  Now, you are not moving in here.  But, maybe my Mom can put you in a cage outside of the apartment or something.”

The Stray ignored me, and continued to walk toward our neighbor’s home, as their scary dog barked at it.  It even told the dog, “I don’t care how mean you are. I’ve got claws, and I know how to use them.  So, get ready for a new housemate!”  The dog looked ready to kill the kitten after it said that.  So, my friends and I distracted it by yowling at it.  It got so busy trying to attack us that it forgot about the kitten.  And, that manipulative cat got one of our neighbor’s children to feel sorry for it.  So, everyone in that house tried to help the Stray while protecting it from their dog.  I figured that my job was done, and went to sleep.

I woke up when Mom came home.  She greeted me, and then grabbed a baggie and stuffed it with my food.  Then, I watched her knock on our neighbor’s door and give them my food so that the “poor kitten wouldn’t starve.”  I didn’t like her giving my food away.  However, I was happy that the Stray was no longer trying to get into my home.  So, I let her get away with that.  After that, both of us went to sleep.

The next day, both Mom and I looked out of the window.  We both got scared when we saw that the Stray was gone.  Mom tried to find out what happened.  She discovered that a couple in a car had asked if the kitten had a home.  Then, they said they’d take it to Animal Control.  Now, I didn’t like the Stray, but I don’t wish Animal Control on any cat.  So, I prayed, OK, God.  You win.  If that cat comes back, it can stay with us—but could you please let it stay outside of our apartment in a cage?  I heard a heavenly sigh, so I added, Oh, all right, God.  It can stay here! I think I heard Him say, Good girl.  I was happy when He said that, although I was still not thrilled about the idea of sharing my home.

However, Mom and I never saw the Stray again.  I have a feeling that it’s OK, though.  That cat could make the Animal Control people take it home.  And, Mom found a dead bird right by the entrance of our apartment last week.  I’m pretty sure that it was a thank-you present from the Stray to Mom for feeding it.  So, I’m happy that the Stray is OK, and I’m even happier that I don’t have to share my home with it.  Type to you later, cats!

The Stray: Part One

The story of the cat I’ll call “The Stray” began about three weeks ago.  As I was doing my routine patrols of the windows, I heard a loud, high-pitched meow.  So, I ran to the window to investigate the situation.  I saw a kitten that I’d never seen before.  As soon as it saw me, it said, “Hey!  I need a home, and yours looks pretty good to me!  So, I am going to meow until your Mom sees me.  And then, I’ll get her to feel sorry for me.  After that, I’ll move in and take over your house!”

“Oh no you won’t,” I hissed back.  Then, I jumped at the window while yowling and growling at that cat.  I wanted to make sure that it knew that there was no way that that was going to happen. I’d almost scared it away when Mom woke up and said, “Grace, be quiet!  I am trying to sleep here.”  So, after I let out a few more blood-curdling yowls, I curled up with her and went to sleep.  I figured that the Stray would run away after I’d been so scary.

Unfortunately, I was wrong.  The Stray waited until it saw my Mom get up.  Then it meowed as loudly as it could.  At first, Mom was angry at it too.  So, she told me, “Grace, that cat is driving me crazy.  I’ll yell at it!”  I wanted to cheer when she said that.  However, after she opened the window, and saw that the Stray was a little kitten, she said, “Oh, you poor thing.  You’re just a baby.  You must be starving!”  Then, that woman had the nerve to look at me and say, “Grace, I can’t believe that you are threatened by a tiny kitten. It can’t do anything to hurt you, and it is probably scared to death.  Leave the poor thing alone!”

I wanted to scream when she said that.  However, I knew that wouldn’t help.  So, I pretended to ignore the Stray while my Mom was looking.  As soon as she wasn’t though, I hissed, “Stay away from my house, or you’ll get a face full of claws!”

“Oh no I won’t,” the Stray hissed back.  “Your Mom will take me in, and you will have to love me or get into big trouble!”

At that point, I pretended to ignore the Stray, until I could figure out a plan to get rid of it.  Before I could do that, though, Mom decided to do the laundry. So, I had to watch as the Stray meowed piteously at her as she walked to the laundry room. Next, I had to listen to my Mom talking nicely to the Stray.  I was about to jump through the window when she said, “I wish I could take you in, but I can’t.  You probably need vet care, and I can’t afford it.  I’m sorry!” as she walked back into our home.

I was very happy when my Mom said that.  I even thanked God that the Stray wasn’t going to get a home with us.  But then, that woman looked at me and said, “Grace, the least I can do is feed the poor thing. You have enough food for us to share it with that poor little kitten.”

I wanted to scream, “That ‘poor little kitten’ is a master manipulator!”  I knew that wouldn’t change her mind, though.  So, I had to watch her give the Stray my food.  Even worse, that manipulative kitten followed my Mom to our apartment door after she fed it.  It meowed sadly while it did that.  I was horrified, because I knew that I was one door-opening away from having to share my home! So, I prayed, God, help!  That cat is about to take over.  Please make it go away!

Things got quiet for a moment after I prayed.  Then, I heard Mom say words that were music to my ears, “Little one, I wish you could move in with us.  But, I can’t afford another cat right now.  I will pray for you, though!”  After that, my Mom walked the Stray out of the entrance door and closed the door on it.  After she did that, she walked into our apartment and said, “I feel like the worst person in the world for closing the door on that kitten.  Grace, let’s pray that someone takes it in.”

OK, as long as that someone isn’t you, I thought.

“I’ll get your Mom to take me in yet,” the Stray yowled. “I told you I’d get her to feel sorry for me!”

I ignored it.  I figured that this problem was over.  I was wrong.  That woman obsessed over that cat and then—

Oh!  Angelina’s at the window.  Something must be going on in our neighborhood!  I’ll tell you the rest of the story in my next post.  Bye for now, cats!

The Alley Cats

Hi cats.  I am happy to report that Mom is normal again.  She yelled at me for jumping up on the counter so I know that she’s back to her usual self.  I’m glad about that.  However, I’ve been so busy posting about my Mom that I forgot to tell you about the newest cats in my neighborhood—the alley cats.

The alley cats that live by my building came to our neighborhood during Operation Snowstorm.  You may remember the seven ungrateful cats that I wrote about in the post I typed while that was happening. If you don’t, or if you are new to my blog, please double-claw this link to read it:


Well, those bums cats, along with many others are now living by our dumpster!  So, I have to listen to their yowlguments all of the time.  Their leader is a cat who goes by the name of Clawzilla (Zilla).  She is a very mean cat.  She is also one of the cats who decided to start the food riot in our storage spaces. So, she is not my favorite cat in the world.  And, I know the dislike is mutual. Trixie told me that she says bad things about me when I’m not around.  I don’t like that.

Even worse, Zilla and her henchcats tried to get my Mom to feed them!  One day, when Mom took out the garbage, she heard a loud, “Meow.”  She was puzzled, so she tried to find the cat that meowed at her.  Thankfully, those cats were hiding, so she couldn’t find them.  When she asked me, “Grace, why did the dumpster just meow at me?”  I wanted to scream “Because there are a lot of mean cats hanging around it.  Call Animal Control!”  I remained silent, though, because the Cat Code of Honor states that I cannot betray any cat whether I like them or not.

And, I do like some of those cats, especially the kittens.  It is fun to watch them con our neighbors into giving them food.  I’ve watched those cats beg for food after they had just eaten a big meal that they’d caught for themselves.  That makes me laugh.  So, I guess I’ll tolerate them for now, as long as they stay away from my territory and my human. I’ve got to go, though.  Mom is home, and she has an interesting-looking box.  I want to see what’s in it.  Type to you later, cats!

She’s Thinking of Bringing Another Cat Home!

Cats, I cannot believe this. That woman is thinking of bringing another cat home. All I can say is that I don’t think so!

This all started two weeks ago. Mom came home from visiting friends. I knew something was up, because as soon as I rubbed up against her, I smelled another cat and saw that her leg was covered with white fur. I was not happy about that. Then, these horrible words came out of her mouth:
“Grace, I just met another kitty that needs a home. It rubbed up against me outside, and looked hungry and sad. I feel sorry for it. Grace, what do you think about having a nice kitty friend to play with?”

I showed her what I thought about that idea by looking at her like this:






She got the idea.  “Oh all right, Grace.  I won’t bring that kitty home after all.  Don’t you think that you are being selfish, though?”
Yes, and I don’t care!
Mom sighed.  Then she said, “Oh well. I really can’t afford another cat anyway. So, I probably won’t be bringing it home.”

I figured that I’d won that argument.  She didn’t bring up that cat again. So, I thought that she’d forgotten all about it.  And, after becoming famous, and almost losing all of my friends, I forgot about it too. Then, today she said, “Grace, I can’t get that poor kitty out of my mind. Maybe it’s God’s Will that I bring it home.” Then, she left. I thought that she was going to get the other cat, so I prepared myself for battle. I sharpened my claws. I filed my fangs. And, I practiced my best scary yowls, pounces and fighting moves to welcome my new “friend” with. Thankfully, I didn’t have to do anything because she came home alone. However, I am on my guard now, and I’m ready for battle. There is only room for one cat in this house—me!