I decided to write this page to help cats all over the world successfully avoid veterinarian (vet) visits. So, if you don’t want to end up in a carrier like this:
or find yourself on an examination table like this:
I have some techniques that will help you to avoid visits to that place that every cat hates—the veterinarian (vet’s) office!
Part One: Avoiding the Vet Visit
There are many ways to do that. Here are just a few of the techniques that my friends and I suggest that you use when you see your human/s taking the cat carrier out:
Take Evasive Action: This simply means to hide in a place where your human/s can’t find you. Two places that are especially effective for me are under the bed, and behind the couch. With a little practice, you will find hiding places that work for you.
Scare Your Human/s: This is easy. All that you have to do is express your extreme displeasure at even the idea of going to the vet by doing the following things:
- Yowl, hiss, and growl at your human/s.
- Swipe at them with your claws extended.
- If you don’t have claws, open your mouth like this to show all of your fangs like this:
- Make noises that are so scary that your human/s are afraid to come near you.
- Any combination of the above.
Make Them Feel Guilty: This is another easy technique. All that you have to do is look at your human/s with big, sad eyes and let out a piteous meow. If your human/s are stubborn, though, they still may try to grab you to get you into that carrier so that they can take you to the vet. If your humans are like that, run!
Doing any or all of these things will help you to stop those human/s of yours from taking you to the vet. However, since human/s can be very sneaky, they may find a way to get you into the cat carrier. The next section of this page will help you to deal with that event.
Part Two: Help! They Captured Me and I’m on my Way to the Vet’s Office. Now What Do I Do?
First, don’t panic. You may be able to avoid that vet visit even after they’ve captured you. Here are some ideas to prevent that vet visit you’re dreading:
Examine the Carrier: This simply means to see if there is any way out of the cat carrier they shoved you into. Humans can be careless, so you may find a way out. If you do, immediately take evasive action, after growling your displeasure at them.
Make the Trip to the Vet So Horrible that They Will Never Want to take you there again!
It’s easy to do this. Here are some things that my friends and I do to make the trip to the vet a miserable experience for our human/s:
- Yowl, howl, and growl while they are attempting to drive.
- Roll around in the carrier and make it shake.
- Looking at our humans like this to scare them:
Unfortunately, doing all of the above things to our owners doesn’t always work. So, don’t feel bad if you end up at the vet’s office. It happens to all of us and the next section of this page will tell you what to do if you end up there.
Part Three: How to Make the Vet Visit an Unforgettable Experience for both Your Human/s and the Vet by Using Veterinarian Aversion Therapy:
If your human/s actually get you to the vet’s office, it is time to do what I like to call “Veterinarian Aversion Therapy (VAT)”. Here are my favorite VAT Techniques:
- Look for hiding places in the vet’s office. When you find one, go there and fight any attempt by your human/s and the vet to grab you with fangs and claws!
- Cling to your carrier with your claws. Then, no matter how much your human/s and the vet shake the carrier hold on. They may give up.
- Greet the vet by growling at him in your scariest voice. Then, attack both your human/s and the vet!
- If your human/s and the vet manage to subdue you by wrapping you in a towel, continue to growl at them. While doing that, glare at them so that they know that you will punish them at your earliest opportunity.
- After the vet has finished torturing examining you, try clawing him or her again. They may be off guard, allowing you to get a good swipe at them. That may cause them to call you a “problem cat.” This is a good thing, since you will never have to visit that vet again!
The idea of VAT is to make vet visits so unpleasant for both your human/s and the veterinarian that you will never have to go there again. Feel free to use any means necessary to accomplish that.
Part Four: Punishing Your Human/s after the Vet Visit
Again, this is easy to do. Here are some things that you can do to them that punish them for subjecting you to such a traumatic experience:
- Yowl, howl and scream at them as they attempt to drive you home.
- Once you are home, give them a dirty look and then refuse to speak to them for at least a day in human time.
- Make them feel guilty by acting as if you are scared of them. Then, claw them in their sleep!
- Make their lives miserable by kicking poop out of your litter box or “accidentally” clawing them. Feel free to do anything that you know will drive your human/s crazy. Also, feel free to use any of the techniques that I typed about on my How to Drive your Humans Crazy! page on this site.
Hopefully, doing the things I wrote about will end your visits to the vet—forever. If not, know that your human/s will be much less likely to take you to the vet if you do the things that I wrote about.
Now, it’s your turn, cats! How do you avoid going to the vet? Please post. You will be doing cats all over the world a favor by doing that. Thanks!